Personal Stories from our Readers: Susie Omens Rothman on Surviving a Broken Heart
Not too long ago, I identified myself by my broken heart. I don’t anymore. I was married for almost twenty six years, and have now been on my own about five years. Hard to believe I came out on top of the world. I never in a million years thought I would be divorced. I never imagined I would be okay.
With so many marriages ending after a lot of years, the whole phenomenon has become rather unremarkable – except when it is happening to you. It doesn’t matter how many of your friends have been through it or even if you know the split might be for the best. Divorce is one of life’s most heartbreaking upheavals.
Aside from being a divorced woman: I am in my mid fifties, I have three beautiful daughters, almost all out on their own. The oldest lives in New York, the middle one here in San Diego, and the youngest is in college in Chicago, where I happen to be from. I am a Midwestern girl at heart. I love to bike up the coast, walk the beaches, and hike the beautiful trails in the hills of San Diego, but I miss Chicago. I miss having weather. I am an artist. I paint and create mosaics. I also am an art teacher, and I am currently getting my masters in special education so I can hopefully combine my love of teaching art and take on the challenge of learning about the wonderful ways kids shine while creating their masterpieces. I hope to teach in another country.
My journey to where I am today has been incredible and I love sharing it with others. I have learned through the pain of depression, being numb, angry and hurt that there is a whole new wonderful life awaiting on the other side.
In the beginning, I kept waiting for the pain to go away. How was it possible that after almost 26 years of marriage, I was going to be on my own? You would think that if you stayed together for that long, you would just comfortably grow old together and stay married forever. Maybe you wouldn’t be happily married … but at least content, comfortable; maybe bored, but secure.
Well, there was no happily ever after for me … or so it seemed at that time. I used to wonder how long to give myself to get on with my life. My excuse was always my broken heart. It was not just broken, it felt shattered, torn, actually shredded into a million little pieces. And it has been a slow healing process. I never thought it would be whole again. I never thought I would be okay. I never imagined I would wake up alone in bed, with no one spooning me, and feel good. I didn’t think I could get through the day without a male partner sharing my life.
It’s been about five years since he moved out. I often wondered if I would ever really be the same…The answer is no, I will never be that same person. But now I realize that is a good thing. I am a new, improved person: brave, strong, smart, confident. I am the person I was always meant to be. And I would never have become that person if it wasn’t for the divorce. A free spirit, who got a little squashed along the way.
I lost myself in my marriage, as so many women unfortunately do. We are strong for everyone — our husbands, our children, our careers — sometimes sacrificing ourselves along the way. I never realized I was unhappy. Sure, we had our moments, like so many married couples do. So busy with work, the kids, homework and sports, life just kind of sails by.
It’s not like he came home one day and asked for a divorce. It was not that sudden. The marriage died a painfully slow death that probably lasted about two years. But now I can finally look back and say to myself, “No, he didn’t dump me. He unleashed me!” He actually said that I would thank him one day. I didn’t realize it at the time but, boy, was he right!
The time since I have been on my own has been my journey, my re-birth, my discovery of me and of the people who have helped teach me some pretty important life lessons along the way. And the wonderful part about it is that it is still ongoing. It has been an amazing transition, and I am finally ready to give up using my broken heart as an excuse. It is definitely time to move on. I have had my share of pain. I have endured my time of depression, trouble eating, not sleeping, not being able to stop the tears. Sometimes I like to remember the pain and keep it close by; it helps me see how far I have come. And I hope I can help other souls who have been through similar experiences, male or female. No two heartbreaks are the same, but in sharing my journey with others, there is a lot to be learned.
The eSSSence of Susie Omens Rothman
Style: I ride a unicycle.
Substance: I like sad movies
Soul: I love dogs (especially puppies).
Enjoyed hearing susie’s thoughts as I am approaching the divorce stage. It gave me some insight to what can be later on down the road. Thanks
Good for you to get through the pain and grow into a stronger woman. I admire your strength of purpose and hope this does help others in similar situations. Looking back, you did what was the norm, to be the best wife and mother you could be. Life delt you a blow with the choice of husband. It is his loss and your gain in life experiences.