Susan’s Tribute to Her Mom, Nadine
My mom died on September 19, 1988 from ovarian cancer. This was a defining day in my life and, for years, everything was measured by BMD (before mom died) and AMD (after mom died.) It took many years before I could think of my mom and not see her on her deathbed and immediately think of the horrible last four months of her life. We would not put an animal through what my mom had to endure.
Now, 23 years later when I think of her, I see her as she was when I was growing up. My mom was the secretary at my elementary school and my dad was a farmer. Not only did she work full time but 
she cooked every meal, did the laundry, ironed everything, cleaned the house, scrubbed the floors and bathrooms, cleaned the windows (a constant source of aggravation because of all the farm dust), did the grocery shopping once a week on Fridays (we had to drive into town so daily store runs were out of the question), drive me to piano lessons and dance lessons (also in town) and work in the yard. I am exhausted thinking about everything she had to do. It wasn’t an easy life and she wasn’t always happy but I remember her saying she had more in life than she thought she would ever have.
She grew up in the foothills of California having come from Colorado when she was a little girl. She loved poppies. When coming across California on the train, golden poppies were blooming and stretched for miles and miles and miles. (This made such an impression that each spring she and my dad would drive into the foothills just to look at the wildflowers in bloom, driving as many of the back roads and dirt roads as possible.) Her mom (married three times) was a cook for the guys working in the gold mine and they moved around quite a bit so mom did not have a lot of friends growing up.
She married young, had my sister Raedine, divorced her husband (not fashionable at the time) because he was an alcoholic and moved back in with her mom in Sacramento. Somewhere along the 
line (there are holes in my mom’s life that we don’t know about), she met my dad. They got married during WWII and eventually moved to Modesto, in the central valley of California, where my dad’s family had a ranch. They built a two-bedroom house on the ranch with help from friends and spent years without much furniture. After eight years of marriage, I came along. (Of course this was a pleasant surprise to them but not to my 15 year-old sister!) Mom was 36 and Dad was 39.
Life on the farm was tough and money was tight. Mom went to work and my dad always gave the credit to her for keeping the family afloat. Without her income, life would have been even more difficult. Almost every Sunday, we took a ride into the mountains (cheap entertainment), leaving around 7 a.m. and not returning home until 7 p.m. I loved these adventures but they were hard on my mom. She had to get up early to make breakfast, pack lunches, then sit in the car while my dad drove like a maniac, rolling from side to side as we rounded curves and flew over bumps. Once home, there was usually work she still had to finish while my dad sat in his chair reading the paper and watching television.
Mom loved nice clothes, painting her fingernails and toenails and getting her hair done. Weekly, she went to the beauty shop for a wash and set and would not wash it again until the next week (this is a disturbing thought to me now.) She always maintained a great figure, liked nice clothes and looked good in them. Mom was a great cook, had a great sense of humor, loved See’s Candy, playing Cribbage and Solitaire, reading, eating Chinese food, dinner parties with friends, traveling and, most of all, spending time with her family. She took up golf after she retired and even made a hole in one. Mom had premonitions and I called this her “gift.” Mom was an independent woman yet she still let my dad be the head of the household. What a woman she was!
Mom did have some dark days. She tried to commit suicide just before my 21st birthday. She had been struggling for some time but we did not realize how much. She and Dad always drank a fair amount and the alcohol was certainly not her friend during this period. The doctor recommended shock treatments and my dad consented (the doctor was always right.) We were all in a state of disbelief and, while she did recover, I always regretted not speaking up to stop the treatment.
In the years that followed, Mom and Dad had a couple of good years on the farm, making enough money to do some traveling. They went to China not long after it opened up, took another trip to Hong Kong, Bangkok and Taiwan and finally they went to Europe to visit some of the places Dad had been during the war and to visit his mom’s relatives in the Basque region of France.
While my mom’s life ended in a terrible way, she maintained her dignity. She did not complain, lay guilt trips on us or make anyone feel uncomfortable. We were by her side when she passed and she taught me as much in her death as she did during her life. As I look back, I recognize Mom was a survivor, making the most out of what life handed her. She worked very hard and did the best she could do as a wife and mother. I spent a few years being angry at her and Dad but, ultimately, I too realized they had done the best they could with the hands they were dealt and I am proud to be their daughter.
It is hard to write about someone’s life in just a few paragraphs while capturing the essence of who they were. What I know is that I loved my mom, she loved me, I miss her, I wish she had been there when Larry and I got married but most of all, I wish she could have known her granddaughter. Mom was gypped! She would have loved Catherine, doted on her and given her the love that can only come from a Grandma. She was a great Mom and she would have been a fabulous Grandma! Happy Mother’s Day, Mom, I miss you!
Read Lois’ tribute to her mom here, and Amy’s tribute to her mom here!
Thank you for sharing this touching story. Happy Mother’s Day to you.
Wow, I have to wipe the tears from my eyes, beautiful tribute to your mom. She sounded like a strong wonderful lady, very interesting and loved her family.
Susan…reading your tribute to you Mom brought a few tears to my eyes. I remember your Mom well and when I think of her I remember the fun times at “the farm”. She was always kind, generous, loving and loads of fun. She always made me feel a part of the family. I loved going to spend the weekends with your Mom and Dad. I remember canning peaches, playing cards, going to eat Chinese food, and just hanging out in the kitchen…good times and good memories …
Susan
Thanks for sharing your mom’s life. You can feel her strength in your sturdy and honst words.
What a beautiful story, and what a strong woman and mother she was.
Such a bittersweet story Susan – I think it took a lot of courage to write it down like that. I am very moved by it.
Susan – Your mom lives on in you and Catherine. Keep those memories alive – they are the legacy she left you. She would be proud of who you are.
Susan, this is so beautifully written. I come from kind of an unconventional family, too, so I always appreciate reading stories in which the true-life moms and dads aren’t just clones of the Cleavers and the happy Brady Bunch. You’ve captured in just a few paragraphs a complex woman and a family that had its struggles and made it through, and I love how honest this portrait is. Your mother would be so proud of this. Thank you for writing it for us.
Susy, that was such a wonderful tribute to your Mom. I was not priviledged to meet her but it sounds like she was a very caring Mother. I know you and Raedine miss her just like I miss my Mother. There are times I wish I could just talk to her and show her my two grand-children as she passed away before they were born. You and Raedine just remember all the good times you had with her. God bless you and your family.
What a wonderful legacy. Thank you for writing it.
What a beautiful tribute to your mom. Your words paint a picture of a real woman, with real life ups and downs. She sounds like an extraordinary person., and you are a wonderful writer. You might even consider expanding on stories about your mom, if for no other reason, they would make a great gift for your children.
I loved reading your beautiful words about your Mother. Thank you for sharing her life with us. We are all products of our parents and the lessons we learn from them. I agree with Donna….
I wonder how many others of our friends have equally interesting stories of their Moms. It would be great to hear more and possibly how they have affected their daughters & grandkids. Maybe you could collect these & write a book.
Susan that was such a touching tribute to your mother. What a story and how lovely that you can share it with the rest of us. I am positive your mom would have loved Catherine and Larry…afterall, who wouldn’t. Thank you for sharing your story and we must get together.
Susan,
Raedine sent this article about your Mom to me yesterday and the memories came flooding back to me.
I remember your Mom from Stanislaus Union School. She was the school secretary and looked after all of us … loaning us lunch money if we forget ours. She was a constant, always there.
I don’t go by the ranch much since we moved from Kiernan Ave almost 7 years ago. There are so many changes on Kiernan Ave. Our house was dozed several months ago, as was my Grandma’s house and my brother’s house, to make way for the widening of the road. They call it progress!
I remember your Dad, Ray, too. He was on the volunteer fire dept with my Dad. They really had some good times.
It may be just a few paragraphs, but you managed to convey the essence of your Mom was very well. This is a lovely tribute to her.
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, after reading your beautiful tribute to Mom. Seems one never really gets over a the loss of loved ones. We really lost her too soon. I especially felt for you because you were so young. I can’t believe all the emotions and memories your writing brought back. What an excellent article.
Love, Raedine
Wish I had read your article before I spoke with you this morning. I just saw it tonight at about 7:00p.m.