Sexism, Empowerment and Why It Matters, or, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly by Anna March
The Good:
Marlo “Free To Be You and Me” Thomas must so approve of Pigtail Pals, which is full of empowering apparel for girls. I want Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to dress their kids in these clothes so this terrific company gets tons of exposure. I especially love the “Pretty’s got nothing to do with it” t-shirt, which is a refreshing change from the sexist messages making the news lately, as well as the line of tees which encourage girls to become doctors, paleontologists, film directors, whatever they want.
Mom Melissa Wardy created Pigtail Pals to move away from the stereotypical pink and purple world being marketed to her own daughter. Read about her mission to redefine “girly,” and you just may redefine your own shopping habits.
The Bad:
Alarmed by stories in the media about five year old girls on diets and the sexualization of kindergarteners? Worried that the pressure is on girls to be beautiful way too early? Well, really, you had no idea how early. Introducing – just wait till you see this — “Baby Bangs! A fun and fashionable hair accessory/alternative for mothers with baby girls who have very little or no hair.” (Thanks to Peggy Orenstein, author of Cinderella Ate My Daughter, for alerting me to this.)
You’ve got it: Tiny mini-wigs for infant girls. Yes, it sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit but I kid you not. Their tagline? “I’m not a boy!” Because we all know that’s a big concern for the 0-9 month set (the intended market). FAQ on the site include: Can I use a curling iron to curl Baby Bangs? How will I know which hair strand color to choose?
I called my 87 year old grandmother, Mary, to discuss this and she said, “That’s crazy. Wigs for babies! Who cares if a baby girl doesn’t have hair? Who cares if someone thinks their girl is a boy? People ought to worry about the important things for their children. They ought to care more about how their children feel and act, and they ought to put that wig money in the bank for that girl’s education. “ Hear, hear, grandma.
The Ugly:
The issue isn’t Baby Bangs! or any one specific product. The problem is the constant barrage of products and messages aimed at girls — starting in their infancy now — that creates a truly toxic culture for them. Instead of teaching them to 
be healthy and to care about their education and accomplishments rather than their looks, we bombard them with pressure to be “girly.” We raise them in a princess culture, showing them in myriad ways that boys should be active and strong, and girls should be pretty and wait for their prince to come. (Literally, the words on my 6-year-old niece’s Disney pillowcase: “Someday my prince will come.”)
Is that what we really want for our girls? Don’t we want them to imagine themselves as more than “this dress on the ironing board,” as the fearless Tillie Olson wrote some 50 years ago? Let’s take the chains of stereotypes off our daughters’ necks, and the wigs off our baby girls’ heads, and teach them they can be anything they want to be, and that it’s “cool” to be something other than a pretty princess waiting for Prince Charming. It’s cool to be smart. It’s cool to do well in school. It’s even cool for infants — or anyone else for that matter — not to have any hair.
The eSSSence of Anna March
Style: Quirky.
Substance: Notice. Question. Think. Read. Talk. Write.
Soul: "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -- Oscar Wilde
When I was born and I am 62 I had almost no hair for the first year and my mom scotch taped a bow in my hair and it stayed until I pulled it out. No fancy wigs just a little teeny tiny touch of tape turned into itself to stick on my fuzz. I also have seen very cute headbands that go across the heads today. Otherwise if you are that concerned you can still go with the old standard or pink or dresses. Ridiculous. No hair is freedom from combing and brushing in my mind.
Go Anna March!
tShirts that dumb girls down, commercials and ads that sexualize girls, chauvinism are all offensive. But, how is that any different than the Old Spice commercial with the gorgeous, muscled actor astride the white horse that all my girlfriends ooh and awe over or the shirtless young college student standing at the doors of ? that the middle-aged women admire more than their daughters? Isn’t that also sexualizing our boys?
My daughter intellectually runs circles around most of the boys she knows, is usually top in her male dominated college classes and loves bows, pink, and being girly. She wants to find her prince charming someday and I hope she does. But she also wants a demanding career that treats her equally with recognition based on merit not gender.
My son is loving and protective of his sister and mom. He opens doors, carries heavy items for us and checks our car tires and oil (which by the way, my daughter and I can change our oil and rotate our tires ourselves.) My husband and I expect our son to treat a girl like a lady BUT we also expect him to respect her as a person.
There is nothing wrong with our girls wanting to look girlie and feminine (not sex objects.) There is nothing wrong with our boys wanting to be manly and muscular(not chauvinistic.) The problem is when either gender devalues or discriminates against the other for any reason. Admittedly, females are discriminated against in the workplace and it is a continuing effort to eradicate this bias. So, I will continue to celebrate my daughter’s desire to be a very smart princess and my son’s sense of responsibility to be a prince to the very capable women around him.
On a very hopeful side note… the young men in my daughter’s life find her intelligence amazing and attractive. She is never short of dates and they all are quick to open her doors, give her their jacket, help carry heavy things while they marvel at her intelligence. So maybe her generation is finding the balance that ours does not have. Maybe her generation can have both brains and beauty and be valued for both. Maybe the marketing executives of tomorrow will come from the more balanced minds of her generation. Aside from trying to change society, as parents we have a bigger influence at home in the way we teach or our daughters and sons to have respect for each other. Real and lasting change takes a lot of effort and time.
Madgew:
I so appreciate your comments and wise (and funny!) points. Thanks! –Anna
Kathryn — Thanks so much! —-Anna
Teresa —
Thanks for your thought provoking comments — I so appreciate you taking the time to read and share. I agree with so much of what you say and I think objectifying ANYONE is wrong. I think the objectification of women and girls is a larger problem because of it’s prevalence and because women and girls still exist outside of the prevailing power structure. Further, while I’m glad to hear of your daughter’s positive experience, all the data indicates that her experience is atypical and that girls and women today are still pressured into narrow roles and constricted by gender in so many ways. Please feel free to email me if you would like to continue this dialogue. I can be reached at wordsgirl@yahoo.com. I hope you will continue to read the column and share your thoughts. Best, Anna
Interestng article. I loved the Pigtail Pals. What an awesome idea. I have 2 precious great-nieces and I struggle to find clothing for them that is age appropriate. One size (or style) does NOT fit all. Frustrates me that sizes 4-14 in most stores are all really styles for the 10-14 set. I mean really, what 4 yr old needs a cami with a “built in bra” It’s an extra layer of fabric, that’s all. Especially have a hard time finding things for my 10 yr old niece who is developmentally delayed. She is still a very little girl emotionally but since she is so tall she wears a size 14. Nearly impossible to find things that she likes and are approriate for her. A friend of mine refers to some of the little girls outfits as “Prost-a-Tots” apparel b/c they are so sexualized! As for the whole pink and purple thing? Ugh. There is such a thing as overkill. My favorite color when I was little was blue; hard to find in girls styles now. Even my niece whose favorie color IS pink gets tired of not having other color choices. My mom found ways to make my blue outfits “girly” with lace, ribbons, bows or other accessories. Little girls need to be dressed like little girls! The teen yrs come soon enough, let them have the joy of beng a child for as long as they can. Girl power!
Anna,
Of course I will continue to read your column and everything that stylesubstancesoul has to offer. I love it all and i always come away with something new! My comments were to share that we are heading in the right direction even though it may be in slow, small steps. We will get there and I’m confident I will live to see it!
Anna, what a terrific article, and idea for an ongoing column!
As the mom of two teens, a boy and a girl, I want to add that this plays in both directions. My son had a head of blond ringlet curls that I refused to cut until he was 3. He also had Thomas the Tank Engine, several lovely Waldorfy rag dolls, and a complete wooden kitchen set where he cooked and washed and spent time alongside me in the old-fashioned linoleum-floored kitchen we had at the time.
My daughter had no hair! And chubby cheeks that people often wanted to pinch. Was it too early for me to establish that her body was in fact off limits to strangers? I don’t know, but I told many people that it was not okay to reach into her space and pinch her.
Now they both have long, thick hair (son has curls again, but they are no longer blond!) and I guess b/c we homeschooled they both prefer cotton clothing that is comfortable, sturdy shoes that can handle lots of “off-road” activity, and their interests came from their hearts not from what the world told them they should do.
Daughter is the horse sport enthusiast and photographer, son loves ancient history and baking bread.
I firmly believe we have to counter the influx of messages both sexes get from the time they are born. Thanks for focusing your very fine sensibility and lens on this issue!!
Provocative! Great column, Anna.
Thanks Teresa and Jessica!
Hi Annie — Thanks so much for your insightful comments. LOVE the prost-a-tots bit! So happy you read and commented — thanks! Hope you will keep reading!
Best,
Anna
billie — thanks so much. such a treat to hear about your kids. they sound like gems and you and your husband sound like terrific parents.
i love you protecting your daughter’s space when she was a baby and love love love you encouraging your sons varied interests. i share your sentiments — that we must be careful not to constrict our sons or daughters in narrow, confining, unrealistic gender roles. free to be you and me remains a good idea! xo — anna
I forgot to mention that my husband grew up listening to the Free To Be You and Me album – I hadn’t – but got the CD and my two grew up listening to it as well. I don’t think I’ll ever get the lyrics to “William Wants A Doll” out of my head! Also the cleaning song – which I should go belt out in the living room right now and see if anyone but me remembers it. :)
What a great addition to SSS!!! Loved reading this; so important. Thrilled that my three young adult kids (two girls, one boy) will not be subjected to the same sexist ways as their parents were.
Keep going, Anna!
hi billie — so nice to hear you talking about free to be….i was raised on the book. have you seen the follow up book — free to be a family? it’s lovely, too. xo
deborah — your kind words mean so much. thank you! best, anna
Loved the Pigtail Pals! My little boy is 4, and has long blond curls. Lots of people refer to him as a girl, and we rarely correct them as we don’t see it as a problem – why should it be? Especially at this age? Most of the time he thinks he’s a dinosaur or bunny rabbit, so having the occasional stranger mistake him for girl is hardly going to hurt. Clothes-wise, he likes red best, and that’s hard to find in the supermarket clothing racks [where we purchase a lot of his clothes]. It’s only at pre-school that he’s picked up on the ‘pink princesses, blue boys’ nonsense. When we pointed out our eye colours – as in ‘mummy has blue eyes, does that mean she has boy eyes?’ etc, and that him denouncing pink as for females only he would have to do without strawberry icecream and milkshakes, Quorn bacon, and raspberries, it led to him thinking about what his friends were saying in greater depth. A relative teaches gender studies, and she told me that until about a hundred years ago blue was for girls and pink for boys. As for all this princess stuff, and bras for toddlers – bleurgh!
Anna and I have known each other for most of our lives and now that I have a daughter I would have an issue with the Someday My Prince will come or anything else that would not empower my little one. Sexism I thimk is about a narrow minded idea that became someone’s concept. Women want this or women need that they are the weaker sex. Bull! I am big guy who is in the gym regularly but my daughter’s mother went through 27 hours of labor and deliverd a 7 lbs 8 oz human. Weaker sex huh……
Love You “Anna”
Hi Gil — i so love your comments — thank you! I especially love the bits about the wise ways your teach the lessons — mommy’s blue eyes, etc. GOOD FOR YOU!!!! All best, xo, Anna
owl — yes, we’ve been talking about these issues for nearly 30 years now — hard to believe! you are such an awesome dad to kennedy! she’s lucky to have you and i know you will do an incredible job empowering her. xoxoxoo anna