Our Own Tips for Staying Married Forever!
Lois:
Keeping expectations real. Most of our fights tend to be about stupid things that really shouldn’t surprise us after all these years – Michael is not going to turn off his phone during dinner, I’m not going to call the pool guy until it fits into my schedule. So for either of us to get mad about something the other one has been doing or not doing since we met – well, what’s that definition of insanity again?
Laughing and holding hands. Not necessarily at the same time – although, hmmm, that might be ideal. Michael and I have always made each other laugh – seriously, I just have to think about this one dance move he does to get me started, and I’m gone. I don’t see how a marriage can last without laughter. Also, we hold hands before we fall asleep at night, which is so grounding and brings us back together after a long day in our own individual worlds.
Remembering why we love each other. Sometimes it’s all about to-do lists and kids and bills. Boring. Not romantic. That’s 
why we have lots of old photos of the two of us scattered around the house. I made Michael a scrapbook for our 18th anniversary and a video montage for our 30th. Looking at any of those takes us back to the college kids we used to be – now we HAVE them! – and reminds us what an amazing life we’ve had together. And one look at the perm I used to have is enough to get us laughing.
Amy:
Independence. When we’re together, it’s because we want to be – not in a needy way. We are both individuals with our own interests, opinions and friends. We respect that, we need that for ourselves and for each other. Paul doesn’t need me to watch sports with him, I don’t need him to go to depressing movies with me. Win win.
Understanding our strengths and weaknesses. Luckily, they are complementary. Paul has learned to ignore the multitude of nail holes behind each picture or piece of art I’ve hung before asking him for help – which comes along with a tape 
measure and a level. I have learned to resist the urge to put together IKEA furniture at midnight by myself without the manual and to wait patiently – well, maybe not patiently – for him to lay out all the pieces, count each screw and read the instructions.
Last, and not to be underestimated, my mom’s cooking – especially her brisket. My mom is a great cook, and Paul loves to eat. Paul is an optimist, and after 25 years of marriage, I think he is still hoping I will learn how to make a brisket just like my mom’s.
Susan:
Commitment and Perseverance. It is too easy to give up when the going gets tough, and there have been many rough patches in 23 years of marriage. We have always viewed our life together as a journey, with joyous hills and dreadful valleys. You have to be willing to hang in there during the valleys of life and do the hard work it takes to climb back up the hill to where the sun is shining.
Common Values. We both have similar views on the big items like 
family (getting along with our extended families), raising children (Catherine always came first), politics (moderate), religion (spiritual rather than church going), ethics (treat people the way you want to be treated) and dogs (we love them and will always have a pet; Buster is our current love.)
Kindness. We have always (well, almost always) been kind to each other, trying not to be hurtful with our words, deeds or actions. Larry has been better at this because I can be too honest and frank at times. As the saying goes, “you attract more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.”
Dear Lois, Amy and Susan….thank you so much for sharing your own personal stories with us. I could see myself in parts of each of your messages and forwarded the article on to my husband in hopes that he’ll read it as well and see that life isn’t always a bowl of cherries. It’s important to realize how good it can be to share this journey with someone…in both good times and bad.
Commitment- to my children. We are both good people and we are always working on it. Divorce is not easy, niether is staying together. He is trust worthy.
Beautiful ladies. Thanks so much for sharing. My husband and I just celebrated our 30th anniversary and I can relate so much to what you all shared. In the end I believe staying married and happy is about finding what works for the two of you. For us, it’s being best friends, supporting each other, and giving each other lots of space to live our own lives (the same way you do with any best friend). I am grateful for my husband every day, even on the days when he makes me crazy with one of those habits that will never change (I hear you Lois!)
Laughter has been the glue in our 25 year marriage. It’s like a secret language, the inside jokes and funny memories we share. I always tell my daughter, ‘marry a guy who makes you laugh’, I did and I’m still laughing!
How true your words are for describing a succesful long marriage of equals.
forever seems like a very long time!
Sisters of Style, Substance, and Soul,
I’ve been a wife since 1968, three times now. When I met my present lovely husband, at 57, I said, “I’m looking for a playmate!” We do have different needs and wants at different times in our lives. I work to never take him for granted and to appreciate everything he does. We laughed and laughed this morning, and I said “Thank you!!!” He was attempting to rid the attic of the resident raccoon mom and babes … with lights, loud music, and slingshotting moth balls at them! So … he was making love to me with moth balls! Yes, they left!
My rule about fighting is I don’t … unless it is immoral, unethical, or illegal. So, the neighbor’s house didn’t used to be the shade of pink I said it once was … who cares?
I cheerfully admit I manipulate the man shamelessly, to get what I want. Perhaps the secret is to KNOW what you want. I want a happy, healthy, fun, sexy, loving relationship. With a man I respect, and one who cherishes me.
It’s good to be 67! I have perspective (when you hit the valleys, you know the peaks will arrive). And I know what is important for me, for us, for our children. As for the rest of the stuff, I know my Mom was right. “This, too, shall pass.”
LOVE YOU THREE! Thank you for sharing your personal lives with us. <3