Cheryl writes the popular “Dear Sugar” advice column on The Rumpus.net, and her highly-anticipated collection of those beloved columns, Tiny Beautiful Things, will be out in July. We’ll talk about all that at some other time but right now, here’s my conversation with Cheryl about Wild — which, by the way, has already been optioned for the big screen, with Reese Witherspoon scheduled to play the author herself.

I was absolutely blown away by Wild. I hung on to every word and totally lived vicariously through your journey, stunned that you were actually able to accomplish what you did. Looking back on it, are you surprised you made it through?! What were your feelings while writing and reliving it?

Thanks so much for your kind words, Lois. Looking back, I laughed a lot and shook my head in amazement too. There were some times that were really tough, but I never felt like I was in the wrong place when I was hiking the PCT. I was determined to do what I set out to do. I felt very nostalgic as I wrote Wild. I wanted to go back in time and hike the trail all over again.

Your story perfectly represents the philosophy, “It’s the journey, not the destination.” Why was it important for your journey to really be a journey and to take place outdoors doing something you had never done before?

When I decided to hike the PCT I was in a really difficult place in my life. My mom had died young nearly four years before. I was on the verge of getting a divorce. I was having sex with too many of the wrong people. Doing drugs because I could. I needed to shake myself out of the sad spiral my life had become. Instinctually, I knew I needed to go to the wilderness to do that, to find my center again. Later, I realized I needed the risk part of it too. I needed to do something demanded that I test my higher self—my strength and courage and determination. I needed to be humbled and schooled and ultimately taken in by the natural world.

It’s been 17 years since you made your hike. What made you decide to write about it all these years later?

I’m not interested in memoir that simply reports what happened. Memoir demands we tell a deeper story, that we connect the specific experience to the universal narrative and so until I had something to say about my hike—about what it meant to me and therefore us—I had no interest in writing about it. I needed to live more deeply into my life beyond the hike before I could understand and articulate what that time meant to me. Plus, my first book—a novel called Torch—had to be written. I honestly could not have written any book before I wrote that. Torch was the book I was writing in my head while I hiked the PCT, not Wild.

My husband was packing for a trip to Nepal while I was reading your book, and all I could think about was your backpack! I kept trying to convince him to lighten the load so he didn’t end up with a backpack the size of yours! Can you tell us a little about Monster and its significance?

Monster was the nickname I gave my really heavy backpack. We had a love-hate relationship all through my hike. I took too much stuff at first—way too much stuff—but even after I lightened my load a few weeks into my hike, it was still very heavy. But I came to peace with that. Monster was the literal weight I had to bear. Accepting that allowed me to learn how to bear other, figurative weights as well. The question was always, “How will I bear what I cannot bear?” I asked that about my pack. And I asked that about my life too.

I love that you brought books with you and that they kept you company at night. Do you think you took the right books with you? Would the invention of the Kindle have made a difference?!

Yes, I took the right books with me. Every book I read on the trail has a special place in my mind and heart. I don’t know that I’d carry an e-reader on the trail if I were hiking today. I don’t think so. I’ve never read an e-book to this day and I have no intention of doing so.

What was the hardest part of the trip for you?

How badly my feet hurt. I was in real pain. Let’s put it this way: years later, when I was giving birth to my first child without the aid of drugs of any sort, when I was deep in the pain of labor, I remembered my time on the PCT. I called on that experience to get me through. Don’t get me wrong: natural childbirth was about a thousand times more painful than my hike on the PCT, but it’s the only other experience I had where I had to truly endure something physically that was quite painful over a long period of time.

I would have been terrified about so many things on that trip. I was especially frightened for you when you ran into those two creepy guys. What scared you the most and how did you get over those fears?

Those guys scared me. I genuinely thought things could go very wrong that evening. I mostly wasn’t afraid. I did not allow it. My biggest fear was that I wouldn’t be able to do it, that I’d fail.

As you kept going, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop – which it literally did! That shoe has a starring role on your book cover. How did that event effect your attitude?

By then I had been through so much with my boots—they were too small, they hurt my feet and so on—that as galling as it was to lose them, I also saw the comedy in it. Sometimes you just have to give yourself over to a situation. I had to do that with my boots. And I did make the best pair of shoes out of duct tape that probably anyone ever has.

In hindsight, what would you have done differently? Would you even have gone on the trip at all, knowing now how difficult it would be?

Yes. I would do it over and over again. But I would take less stuff. I’d research it a bit more. It’s easier to do that now, with the Internet. My lack of preparation wasn’t entirely my fault. There were far fewer resources available then than there are now.

What was the most meaningful part of the trip for you?

There is no one meaningful part. The whole journey is like one big giant jewel I get to carry around inside me until the day I die. That means a lot.

Do you keep in touch with any of the people you met on your trip? What’s been their reaction to your book?

I’ve kept in touch with some of them and others have found me since the book has been published. It’s been wonderful to reconnect. I’ve had nothing but positive experiences and reactions from those in the book. Many of them tell me that reading Wild made them feel nostalgic about their hikes too.

Since finishing Wild, I often find myself saying, “If Cheryl Strayed could hike the Pacific Crest Trail, I can certainly …” which is usually followed by something ridiculously simple like “stay on the treadmill for 15 minutes.” Do you say the same thing to yourself? How has the journey empowered you?  

Hah! Thanks. That’s sweet. I do remind myself of that a lot. In fact, I even did that on the trail. I would say: Who is tougher than me? No one. Even though I KNEW that wasn’t the case. It was my way of encouraging myself. This is why it’s so important to do these sorts of things. We get to prove our own power to ourselves. We get to run on the steam of a positive experience rather than a negative one.

What advice do you have for any woman considering a similar solo hike?

Do it. Reject the narrative that tells us women shouldn’t dare to do things alone. And I wouldn’t just direct my advice to women. Men need to hear that too.

One final question – how are your poor feet?!

They’re fine! Fully recovered. That’s the most common question I’ve gotten from people these past couple of months, as I’ve been traveling around the country on my book tour. The body is an amazing thing. It regenerates.

Psychology, perception, reality – those are topics usually found in self-help books, not movies! What is it about the times we live in that made it so important for you to want to share this information on the big screen to a mass audience?

Well I think if people watch the news, they see every day so many of the cultural problems that are a function of stress.  Violence, divorce, wars, suicide, crime are all consequences of a perception of life that is less than ideal, less than hopeful.  It is indicative of people who do not believe in themselves and/or trust life.  I wanted to share with people through our most popular medium what the mechanics of perception actually are, what the power of our imagination is, and why people should have a lot of hope for their and our collective future.

Why did you choose to do the movie as a docudrama rather than a documentary? You feature such prestigious names from fields like neuroscience, biochemistry, quantum physics – and they’re all surprisingly fascinating and easy to understand! Why did you feel the need to have an underlying story being acted out in between the experts’ “testimony?”

As a professional speaker and trainer of emotional intelligence and self-awareness for over a decade, I have learned that people understand and learn better through story and metaphor than they often do through direct teaching.  I thought it would be great to not only present fascinating science that can change people’s lives, but also illustrate it through a story designed to be emotionally compelling and illustrative of how it can actually happen.

How do you answer viewers who are wary of the idea that changing their perception will actually change their reality? Can you give them one simple example?

Sure. Most mothers know how a change in perception changes reality.  I often hear them say that the first time they had a baby they become surprised by the number of commercials on tv that ‘suddenly” appear about babies, or they notice that there are new babies everywhere, or that they meet so many “new” people who also have babies.  Well of course the world around them didn’t change a bit.  All that changed was their perception of the world, and “suddenly” the external world looks altered and begins to show up more relevant to the change that transpired inside of them.  This kind of change is also true when we shift perceptions from ones of judgment, negativity, anxiousness, and fear to perceptions of peace, creativity, imagination and love.

What about those who do believe that’s true but don’t know how to change the way they look at something? What’s a practical way for someone to start doing that?

As we outline in the movie, they need to make what is called a “Content to Process Shift.”  What this means is that they need to begin to focus less on the story lines of their life, or the content of their thoughts, and begin to focus on the patterns of their thinking and reactions to the story lines of their lives.  When they can really notice the “way” they think every day, rather than focusing on “what” they think about, then they can begin to see if those patterns are healthy, creative, positive and imaginative.  And if they are not, they can begin to reframe their patterns of thinking and begin to more consciously perceive life in ways that inspire or uplift them by simply imagining a perception of the same facts that creates those results.

What is the one message you want audiences to come away with?

Don’t underestimate the power of your imagination.  We imagine everything, because we do not have the mental faculties to really “see” reality.  So learn to imagine consciously and align your actions and choices with the highest and grandest imaginations you have for yourself.  And if you do so, and you are consistent and patient and trusting, life and people around you will conspire to turn your highest imaginations into reality.

You left a high-powered law career to focus on your passion for “guiding the vision and development of people and organizations.” That’s a huge change. What was that catalyst for that decision? 

Helping one side to “win” in a legal battle was not the highest imagination I had for myself.  I wanted to use my skills as a lawyer to bring people together, to inspire them, and help them find creative and imaginative ways to resolve their obstacles.  And to do that through writing, speaking and making movies was an imagination that inspired me, motivated me, and made me want to wake up each day with a smile on my face.

This was such a fun book to read! Because you actually cover the wedding beat for The Paper – I mean, The New York Times! – I, of course, have to ask you how much of this story is based on your actual experiences.

Only the painful parts are true!  Seriously, my standard answer is that the book is emotionally true, but the plot is entirely fictional.

Why did you decide to write a novel rather than a “memoir?”

I was approached several times about writing a memoir, but it wasn’t something I wanted to write.  It also wasn’t something I was comfortable writing.  The brides and grooms I talk to confide in me, and I take extraordinary time and effort to make sure what what goes in my articles doesn’t violate that trust.  It’s not always easy, because the best quotes are often things they would regret having said if they saw them in print.  One could argue that if they said it, I can use it. But the people I’m writing about aren’t running for public office (usually) and they didn’t steal anyone’s retirement funds.  They don’t deserve to be embarrassed by an article celebrating their marriage.  I feel I have a responsibility to protect them in addition to my responsibility as a journalist to write the best and most accurate story for my editor and readers. It’s a responsibility I take very seriously, so a nonfiction account wasn’t really an option.

It’s so refreshing to read a book in which the character who wants to find love is a man. That’s traditionally the woman’s role in fiction! Were you concerned about going where few male writers have gone before? Do you feel like you’re breaking new ground here?

I didn’t intend to break new ground.  It didn’t occur to me at first that I would be.  It was when I started looking for similar books with a male protagonist and/or written by a male author that I thought to myself, “Houston, we have a problem.”  But if a woman can run for President, why can’t a man write a romantic comedy?  What’s particularly odd is that in Hollywood, men regularly write romantic comedies.  In fact, there are more male screenwriters of romantic comedies than female.  Go figure.

Tell us a little about your real job. What’s the hardest part about it?

Well, first of all, being an author is my real job now.  I was fortunate to get a two-book deal, and there’s no way I could spend 80 to 100 hours a week at the Times AND write a book.  Unless I wanted to spend five years writing it.  And never get married.  But I still work freelance for the Times, and the truth of the matter is that writing about weddings is in some ways the best job in the world.  I get paid to be curious.  To ask people anything I want about their lives.  Professional.  Personal.  It’s all part of their story.  It’s inspiring to be around people so deeply in love.  And it’s empowering to bring their stories to life for such a broad audience. But it’s also one of the worst jobs in the world for a single person.  Because it’s a constant reminder of what I don’t have.  The parties are the hardest part, because the ceremonies at least have a personal, emotional component.  But a reception is a reception is a reception.  Some are fancier.  Some are quirkier.  But once the jackets are off and the guests are boogeying down on the dance floor, the Rockefellers don’t look much different from the Rosarios. And regardless of the music and decor, I’m alone on a Saturday night, watching other people celebrate their lives.

What lessons, for better or worse, have you learned from covering weddings?

I’ve learned that love isn’t something that comes and hits you over the head like in a Warner Brothers cartoon.  Love requires making effort and taking risks. The first spark may be effortless, but everything after that is a triumph of optimism and determination over entropy and fear.

Can you share any Bridezilla stories with us?!

I could.  But I won’t.  Let’s just say that many brides find it hard to recall that everyone’s life doesn’t revolve around their wedding.  (And the abuse I’ve taken is nothing compared to the average bridesmaid.)  But I can’t really blame them (well, most of them).  Because planning a wedding can be pretty all-consuming. I’m having problems just planning a book party.

What’s the most romantic wedding you’ve covered?

They’re all romantic. I carefully select the couples I write about, and  I put a lot of effort — and a lot of hours — into getting to know their story.  If I didn’t get a lump in my throat during every ceremony, I wouldn’t be able to do the job.  I wouldn’t want to do the job.  But I’m a bit of a sucker for stories about love lost and found, and two come to mind.  In one, a recently divorced women in her late 50’s found a box of love letters from a man who had proposed 27 years earlier, and she set out to find him again.

Another particularly romantic wedding involved high school sweethearts who broke up before college.  One of my favorite quotes is when the bride told me, “I thought every boyfriend drew pictures for their girlfriends and wrote them poetry. I thought all kisses were going to feel that magical.”  It took them 17 years to find their way back to each other.

Did you ever really consider writing a divorce blog like the one Gavin pitches to his editor in the book?

Actually, Gavin’s blog, “Destination: Wedding,” is misinterpreted by other characters as a divorce blog.  His vision was for it to be more of a travelogue about the things that happen on the way to the wedding day, and, in fact, it’s something I pitched to the Times. I’ve never considered writing a divorce blog, but The Huffington Post has a very successful one.

You’ve said there’s a rumor that James Marsden’s character in 27 Dresses is actually based on you – nice! How did that make you feel?

When 27 Dresses came out, I started getting calls that there was a movie about me.  I assumed people were simply mistaken.  Then people in my department started saying the same thing.  So I finally went to see the film.  It was really strange for me.  There were moments I felt like I was almost having an out-of-body experience, as if I were literally watching my life on-screen.  Other moments were less so.  At the time, I was the only single guy writing the Vows column at the Times (and probably the only guy in the country).  But that’s no longer true.  I had also just begun toying with the idea of fictionalizing my life, and I was worried the movie had stolen my thunder.  But then I decided, if you can’t beat them, join them, and there are a couple chapters in my book that are a direct result of that.

I can definitely see your book being turned into a movie. Who would you like to see as Gavin? Is that the same actor you would see playing you in your life story?!

I’m getting asked this a lot, and I’ve concluded that Paul Rudd could portray my life better than I do.

So you’re still single … I have the feeling that a lot of women will be contacting you after reading this book and seeing you as a warm, sensitive kind of a guy. Interested?

You’re making me feel like my book was the longest personal ad ever written.  But I can’t deny dreaming occasionally about this chapter of my life ending with someone beside me beneath a wedding canopy.  And it would make for a great sequel.

Leave a comment below for a chance to win a copy of The Wedding Beat!

We’re honored to share my conversation with her here and, for the first time ever, to give away a TUTU CUSTOM-MADE BY DEBORAH!  To enter, email info@theunprisonproject.org by midnight on Thursday, February 23. Be sure to put TUTU SSS in the subject line. Two amazingly lucky winners will be picked by random.

Deborah, you know what a fan I am, and I’m thrilled that your book is actually out now. Congratulations! Your story is so empowering. How did you go from being completely embarrassed by the idea of being born in prison to feeling comfortable – maybe even proud? – to share your history with the world?

Thank you, Lois, for your immense support, and for the SSS tutu exposure last year. While it might appear so, I can’t say I’m completely comfortable about my roots. Acceptance is how I’ve come to embrace the whole thing. For years I tried to resist the truth. This only led me down a road of self-destruction and rage against the world. Sometimes it takes forever to accept what we can’t change.

I’m not proud of my prison roots. Those who know me are surprised when I still shy away from talking about my prison story in personal and social situations. I was just discussing this the other day with a friend. In a social setting, as soon as my story comes up, everything stops and people fire questions and curiosities. I don’t find fault in this. I just don’t feel a need to talk about it in my day-to-day life. I understand the curiosity, though, and just accept whenever the topic comes up, there’ll be questions.

What I am proud of is this: I’ve learned to accept my fractured beginning and then do something with what I was given in life. I have moments, still, when I wish none of this happened. But when this sneaks into me, I draw on the acceptance I’ve learned to practice.

Can you tell our readers a little about the significance of the tutus?

My life-long love of dance and tutus started as a girl when my mother dragged me to the neighbor’s house for Saturday ballet lessons. I loved everything about it – the oak floor, mirrors, piano accompaniment, the trapped sweat in the air. I’ve always been athletic and I loved the energy and work of dance. Dance and creativity threaded through my day-to-day life because my parents, both published writers and English professors, exposed me to every kind of theater and dance, mime, music, art, and literature.

However, in the deepest corner inside me, I held this secret and shame: I was born in prison. Secrets are funny this way. They hide and yet still can direct our every move. I convinced myself a girl born in prison shouldn’t dance, shouldn’t even appreciate anything artistic. I felt drawn more to the underworld – at first, mischief and rule-breaking, then lawlessness, drugs, violence, crime.

A tutu didn’t fit in my self-concept until years later when I started to train as a dancer again and, not in tutu, I recognized I can be and do what I want. Never mind others’ expectations, or even my own self-imposed and false expectations. From this, I freed myself to love the frill of tulle and tutus even though I’m not a frilly person. Why not a tutu with a leather jacket and boots? Not that I dress this way all the time, but the tutu grew into a metaphor for what I’d struggled with for a long time: how to allow opposing parts inside to live together. “Why not?” I kept asking myself. I do a lot of Why not? And What if?

Your whole life changed the day you discovered you were born in prison. Why didn’t you talk to your adoptive parents about it? What do you think would have been different if you had?

A secret is a secret for a reason. My little girl mind reasoned if the letter about my prison birth was buried in the bottom of a drawer, and my mother asked for changes in my documents, then it must all be bad. I don’t blame her. She didn’t know what to do. When is the right time, the right age to tell any kid they started out in prison, or about any other unique and early-life brokenness? I don’t know the answer to this.

“Prison” all around connotes negative ideas for most people. Probably for all people. Not for me, though. While I’m realistic about what it is for inmates, I associate prison with love. It’s my first home, after all – the first place I felt safe. So I return to give love. I go back to prisons to share what I’ve learned.

How do you imagine your life would have turned out if you had never found that letter?

I can’t imagine this. Period. Although I might have gone on feeling out of place, and not having questions to ask and resolve. The letter gave me a palette of questions to work with through my life. It takes questions to find answers.

It is truly amazing that you survived the drugs, alcohol and criminal acts you put yourself through. What ultimately gave you the strength to be able to turn your life around – and thrive?

Fear, first of all. One final escape from several situations which would have each given me a life sentence, drove me across the country. Also, I was falling apart. Inside and out. My weight dropped from 130 to 90 lbs., I was puking blood, losing my hair from stress and poor nutrition, defying death too many times. I cringe writing this. No one in my life today knows me this way.

Most of all, underneath everything, I knew I was doing wrong to others and myself. I knew my lifestyle and actions violated my values, the values I’d learned early in life. This grated on me more than anything. Deep down I was going against what I knew wasn’t good and right.

When you think of your two moms now, what are the first impressions that come to your mind?

One word. Love. Of course, so much more but my first impression is love. Imperfect, but so what? Who isn’t? Okay, two words – imperfect love. Which makes it perfect in the end because without their imperfect love I’d be a different person.

How has your background affected the way you “parent” your own daughters? What has their reaction been to your story? To your book?

To my daughters, my writing is my work. They haven’t read any of my work and I’m fine for this to wait. Well, maybe they’ve read a few blog posts, but not many. They know the outline of my story – prison, drugs, some petty crime, and bits about my confusion as a child.

As for how I parent, I’m laughing because I feel sorry for them. If they even think of an untruth or any deceit – which is normal for a kid – I can smell it. Seriously, I almost know before they do because I put my past self in any situation as a kid and I know all the angles, the ins and outs of trying to get an authority figure distracted and diverted. My background makes me a strict mother. From the beginning, I didn’t want to face my past behavior in my kids. Also we’re playful.  I love to play and goof around, so we’re a house of fun, a family of play, trust and honesty, along with the usual but occasional discord.

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned through your journey? 

Self-honesty.

What’s been most rewarding?

Freedom. Free from demons, from expectations, from shame, stigma, and secrecy. Although I think prison will always carry stigma, like a hot iron brand on cattle. Only today, I don’t wear the brand on my forehead anymore.

How do the prisoners you work with react to your book?

My book hasn’t circulated in prisons yet. I’m excited for the day when this happens, though. My board members and I are seeking corporate sponsor(s) or a collection of individual donors to enable every incarcerated woman in the U.S. to receive a copy. I welcome suggestions and contacts for this. I can see it happening. I just know this is possible. 150,000 women in prison with a tool in their hands, something accessible, which proves the existence of hope and transformation – something which might influence change although I didn’t write the book for this purpose. In fact, I first wrote it as a novel – a poorly-crafted one – and then as a collection of short stories. The material gathered interest from publishers but every response suggested I write memoir. I wasn’t ready at the time.

When I’m inside prisons and tell pieces of my story, the women welcome my honesty about walking beyond our pasts. The reaction is also one of sorrow, releasing the grief and guilt many feel about losing their children, about what they did for the sake of drugs and other parts of our shared stories. I’m in there with the hope of showing it’s possible to move ahead no matter where we come from, no matter what we’ve done. It’s also one of the same messages when I keynote in a conference.

The facts you include at the end of the book are shocking: 3% of all children in the U.S. have a parent in prison; women are the fastest growing prison population. What was the most surprising fact you learned in your research? What do you want readers to take away from all of this?

Most of all I’m stunned by the increase in incarceration for women. 800% in 10 years. 800%!

The majority of crimes are nonviolent, and addiction to drugs and/or alcohol plays a role in the lives of most incarcerated women. We need treatment and education to make a difference here, and access to these resources. If the system can’t change, I’m working hard to do what I can so the women find and claim their power to do what they can. Even on the inside.

While this happens some already, I’d like to influence, encourage, and enforce the importance of personal power – take it and start to make change inside ourselves first. I hear some go back to get their GED, or sign up for college courses, follow up on CD counseling or renew relationships with their children. This is the work I do for The unPrison Project, to advocate for life skills and education, drug rehab, mental health wellness – all the things which made my life joyous and free.

Thanks so much for sharing your story, Deborah. Here’s to the power of the tutu!

Thank you, Lois, for your endless work to bring out our stories, and for this opportunity to explore myself and my story more.

Don’t forget to enter to win a TUTU CUSTOM MADE BY DEBORAH!!

I seriously love everything about your company, from its name to the idea behind it to the actual t-shirt designs. Tell me a little about how you got started, and why you decided to do this.

Thank you so much, Lois! I’m so glad you love them! I started making the collages about fifteen years ago when I was living in Montreal. I was writing full-time and house-sitting for my brother’s colleagues. He’s an Anthropology professor and all of the anthropologists in his department would go off at various times to do their fieldwork and needed someone to take care of their animals and plants. It was fantastic. I was able to live in different apartments and condos all over the city for free and write. I started out making collages of writers that I loved and giving them away as gifts. One day a friend said, “You should sell these.” We brought thirty collages out to Bennington, Vermont, and sold them all in the first boutique we went into. I was floored. I then got into making greeting cards, magnets, bookmarks and seven-day glass votive candles with the image wrapped around them. They sold quite well. Then I learned the t-shirt trade and started putting my images with quotes on to high quality soft cotton t-shirts that I would wear. That took a lot of research to find the right company, but once I did it was a hit.

How do you choose which people to feature?

I will only do a collage of someone I admire. These are magnanimous figures that I hold in high esteem. I love every one of them!

How do you select the quotes you use with each one? There would be so many I’d want to use for each one.

That’s always difficult. I agree with you. There are so many excellent quotes from all of these incredible innovators, but it usually comes down to what appeals to me most and it must fit around the image on the t-shirt, so both size of quote and something that engages me are essential!

Which ones are the most popular?

Meg's friend, writer Robert Vaughn

It depends on where they’re selling. Frida Kahlo is quite popular here in NM. In Vancouver, they love Joni Mitchell. She lives in the same town as this boutique I sell my t-shirts in. There are many requests for Bob Dylan, Billie Holiday, Janis Joplin, Bob Marley, Tesla, Gandhi, Jimi Hendrix, Oscar Wilde, Virginia Woolf, Nietzsche and Flannery O’Connor.

But then, there’s always someone who comes along, who wants that certain someone that might seem more obscure to most people. My Editor-in-Chief at Connotation Press, Ken Robidoux, loves Delmore Schwartz, the poet (as do I), and ordered a shirt of his. There’s someone for everyone, I hope!

Any funny – or touching – requests?

I had a woman come to my booth at a festival and she was adamant about getting a Johnny Cash t-shirt in her size. I found a Hank Williams Sr. and thought she’d like him, but no, it had to be Johnny. It turns out she was one of Johnny Cash’s daughters and we did find a Johnny t-shirt in her size. That was very cool!

Which is your own personal favorite? Why?

I love them all, but if I think about which one I wear the most, it would have to be Carson McCullers. I love her writing and I love the quote on the t-shirt: “While Time the Endless Idiot, Runs Screaming Round the World.” And I wear Kafka quite often, as well as Flannery and Samuel Beckett. It’s hard to pick a favorite. My husband’s favorite is Frank Zappa: “My Dandruff is Loose, My Breathe is Chartreuse.” And sometimes I pick out one depending on the color I feel like wearing that day. I have a huge collection in my closet. They make me very happy!

Who’s still on the to-do list?

Hemingway, David Foster Wallace, Raymond Carver. I have more on the list, but have been writing so much lately that I haven’t had time to add to the group in a while!

Let us know who you’d like to see on one of Meg’s t-shirts!

As someone who is obsessed with both 11:11 and Moleskine notebooks, I do believe you have the perfect company! Can you give us a little background on the significance of the name and why you started working with Moleskines?

11:11 is my favorite time and for years I thought it was just my little quirk. I would catch it all the time on the clock and it always gave me a good reassuring feeling like everything was alright in that moment, no matter what was going on. A few years later I was working with a company that was going to produce these crazy bags I was making out of old LP records, and was pondering what I wanted the name of my new brand to be. They moved into an office on the 11^th floor of a building on 11^th Street in Manhattan right as I was deliberating, and so I took that as another sign! We parted ways and I kept the name for my venture, which I began almost eight years ago now!

As for the Moleskines – I always wanted to work with that brand because of how well their products are made and their rich history with artists and writers of the past. It’s very inspiring company to keep. So I was thrilled when I finally figured out how to source them wholesale and have been making covers for the Moleskine Cahier series for about three years now.

What’s your most popular product? 

It’s a toss up between our cardholders and the passport covers. The cardholders are perfect to use as a mini “going out” wallet. They are slim and hold the essentials – credit card, business cards and a bill or two. The passport covers have been selling insanely well online, though, and I think it’s because it’s a super fun and inexpensive way to personalize and prepare for a trip, as well as protect your identity and keep the precious passport safe!

What’s your own personal favorite? 

I love our checkbooks the most because it seriously makes me feel special when I am paying bills – that little bit of brightness does it. They’re way better than the drab ones banks always give you! 

How do you find those gorgeous papers? 

Oh my goodness, the collage and imagery hunting is my absolute favorite part! I love taking pictures everywhere I go, collecting candy wrappers, old books and magazines, vintage stamps, fortunes from the Chinese take out … Inspiration is everywhere.

What’s the most rewarding part of your business for you? 

Having customers tell me that using my products makes them happy makes me feel like I am doing my job on earth. For me 11:11 enterprises is all about spreading love through the details and inspiration through imagery.  Sometimes it’s the small things in life that really make a difference in a day.

Any new items coming up? Dreams still to come true? 

Well, my first love is making handbags so 2012 is the year I will finally get back into that end of the accessory world. I am so excited. I have plans for bags that are very practical but with luxurious and whimsical touches. Making bags again will be full circle for me, as I started 11:11 as a bag line and switched to wallets when I realized I should start simple and work my way up. It’s been quite an education learning how to be a business woman, and I think I’m ready now to branch out and show my true colors!

Since 11:11 is so important to you, how do you feel today – 11/11/11? 

I feel amazing and grateful to be alive in these exhilirating times. Each day is what you make it. It’s all about staying on the positive current and riding that like a wave. There is tremendous energy for alignment and transformation today, and we are all so lucky to be on this planet together at this time. There is so much beauty everywhere. I just want to soak it up and celebrate it as much as I can!

With almost half of marriages ending in divorce, it’s no surprise that the kids are often the ones who stand to lose the most. But what we never really considered until reading An Accidental Mother is the devastating loss experienced by everyone involved when a divorced parent enters into a serious relationship which doesn’t result in re-marriage but ultimately ends.

Katherine Anne Kindred became deeply attached to her boyfriend’s young son, Michael, and when the couple broke up, she was forbidden to see the child. She wrote An Accidental Mother as a love letter to Michael but it raises so many huge issues and makes for powerful reading. We learned a lot from talking to her, and hope she’ll update us WHEN — not if — she hears from Michael.

As a mother, I was really moved by your book. It raises so many important issues in this age of divorce, and shows that it’s the children who tend to get caught in the middle. Your quote that parenthood is “something like a cult – easier to get into than out of” pretty much says it all. What is the main message you want readers to take from your story? 

That parenting has very little to do with blood ties.  You don’t have to be a birth mother (or father) to love a child with your whole heart – or to be loved in return.  And loving a child, or becoming their parent, isn’t something that can just be shut off.

The book is such a love letter to young Michael, and I’m so happy that he’ll be able to read it at some point and see how deep your feelings are for him, especially since his father has forbid all contact between you. Was that one of your reasons for writing the book – so that eventually Michael would be able to hear your side of the story?

Yes – more than anything I want Michael to know I did not intentionally abandon him, and that I love him as much as any mother could love a child.  After we were denied contact, I just had a deep feeling that Michael and I would someday find each other again.  I decided to put all of the stories together for him so he could have a record of our time together, our bond, and the love I had for him.  It was only after I put it all together that I thought maybe I had a publishable manuscript.  Then I realized if I could get it published, it would be out in the universe for Michael to find, even if he couldn’t find me.

Being an “accidental” mother is such an impossible job for so many reasons. What did you learn from the experience? In hindsight, is there anything you would have done differently to try to change the outcome?

I spent most of my adult life being a “Monday-morning-quarterback” when it came to other people’s children.  I had so many strong opinions on parenting – what to do, what not to do.  But I had no idea parenting would be so challenging and complicated.  I gained a whole new level of respect and admiration for all parents, real or accidental – and teachers and daycare providers and nannies and anyone else that cares for children on a regular basis.  I realized that parenting is much harder than it looks.  I also came to understand the purity and beauty of the love that comes from a child.  Children love wholeheartedly and unconditionally.  They forgive you your faults, and they are so willing to express love and affection.

As far as changing the outcome, I would have pushed much harder to adopt Michael when Jim told me I could.

Do you think things would have been different if Jim had allowed you to adopt Michael as he originally said he would? 

Had I adopted Michael, I could have petitioned the courts for visitation after being denied access.

What were Michael’s feelings about his biological mother? He didn’t seem to talk much about her. 

I do not think Michael had any strong memories of her, as he was sent to live with Jim when he was only two years old.  It was rare that he spoke about her or asked questions about her.  

I love when you say, “No one will ever see all the effort a woman puts into make sure a child is ‘balanced,’ but everyone will notice how adorable the child looks if dressed up in designer clothes. And the part no one notices is much harder work.” All moms will appreciate that recognition. What were some of the other surprises you discovered as “an accidental mother?”

First and foremost, I discovered that children are expert manipulators – you have to be on your best game at all times.  They are like stealth predators, constantly searching for any weakness in your resolve – and I was such an easy target when it came to Michael!

Second, I learned that parenting is a fluid proposition.  Children are constantly growing and changing, coming and going through different stages, and that often those stages differ based on gender.  I discovered that your methods of parenting must grow and develop right along with the children and whatever age or stage they might be in.

What was Jim’s reaction to the fact that you wrote this book? Have you heard from him at all?

I have not heard from him, and I do not know if he is aware of the book.

What advice would you give other women going through similar situations? How do you think children can be protected from being pulled away from the “accidental mothers” – or “fathers” – who love them? 

The fact is that with the current rates of divorce and remarriage, most children will be raised by multiple parents throughout their childhoods.  The only way to protect them throughout the process is with a high level of selflessness on the parts of both parties. But even in the best of circumstances, that’s a tall order; the family courts are filled with couples that can’t come to an agreement regarding their children.

My advice to other women would be to have hard conversations early on about what might happen if the relationship were to end, yet keep in mind that promises are not always kept.  Marriage or adoption should provide greater legal rights, as both step-parents and adoptive parents can petition the courts for access.

Whatever you do, don’t let the challenges in your relationship stop you from loving the child with your whole heart.  My only regrets are that I didn’t leave more lipstick marks on Michael’s cheeks, that I didn’t tell him I loved him 100 times a day instead of 10.  Whatever sadness and pain came after, it was worth all the love I had for Michael – and the love I received in return.  

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I hope you and Michael will get to be together again soon. 

Thank you for reading my story, and thank you for your well wishes.  I hope with all hope that I will see Michael again someday!

I love that you’ve made cooking so manly! Maybe this will start a whole new generation of men making dinner. Why did you decide to put together this book and how did you choose your writers?

I’m hoping that the book inspires men to cook more, and one of the things that I’ve realized about being a guy in the kitchen is that there’s no one right way to do it. Being a man who cooks is very varied experience. I wanted a multitude of voices, which is why I made an anthology. I picked the writers because I admired their work. I was very fortunate to get to work with so many great authors.

I put the book together because when I first started cooking for my family, about six years ago, I looked around for a book that would give me tips and stories about being the man in the kitchen, and I couldn’t find such a book. It didn’t exist, so I created it.

There are so many fascinating stories told here. It’s appropriate that Stephen King’s contribution starts out almost like a horror story – he took over the cooking duties after his wife lost her senses of taste and smell, possibly due to the toxicity of the mill town in which she was raised. And Mohammed Ali’s story is as much a tale of the evils of polygamy as an ode to food. Which stories resonate most strongly with you?

All the stories hit me in different ways. I think Mohammed Ali’s story was the most shocking, and fascinating. Manny Howard’s tale of roasting a pig for the woman he wanted to marry was very entertaining because it went so awry.

I sort of think men might be more experimental in their cooking and less likely to follow directions in a recipe, but that could be sexist! As you talked to men about cooking for their families, what differences did you find in their feelings or processes as compared to the way women cook?

Some men follow recipes, some don’t, just as I’m sure there are some women who do and some who can’t be bothered. One thing I have observed, though, is that women seem to like baking more than men do. It was hard to find a man who baked.

There are so many great recipes in this book. Which are your personal favorites?

My favorite recipe in the book is Peter Kaminsky’s one for a Whole Roast Cow. I think it’s important to have dreams in life.

Shankar Vedantam’s essay, “The Hidden Brain: Gender and Cooking,” is so enlightening – and disheartening, revealing that volunteers in an experiment imagine chefs at fine restaurants to be male and the person who makes lunch at home for a group of children is female. Hmmm. How do you think your book can help change those perceptions?

Vendatam’s essay is remarkable because it so clearly illuminates our biases. We may not always be aware of them, but they are there all the same. My ultimate goal for the book is to get more people to cook at home. Someday it will not be a big deal for a man to be a home cook. For now, though, it is. The very existence of this book, I hope, will change that.

What do you find to be the hardest part about cooking for your family?

There are many challenges to cooking for a family, but the biggest one, far and away, is having to do it night after night after night after night. This has driven women crazy for years, and it is difficult to do without falling into a rut. My repertoire of recipes is fairly vast, but it is finite. Eventually we start repeating ourselves. I put recipes in the book so people would have a chance to broaden their offerings, and hopefully get out of their rut.

I really enjoy reading your blog, Stay At Stove Dad, and learning about your family, Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria! So, Columbus, how do they feel about joining you on this culinary adventure to a brave new world? What’s been your most exciting discovery along the way?

Thanks! I’m so glad that you enjoy my blog. Santa Maria is delighted to be a part of this journey, and the kids are too. The kids might not be as aware as their mother of what’s happening, but that’s another goal of mine—to make it normal for the dad to be the cook. That’s what they’re growing up with.

What do you hope to teach your children about food?

That it can be a source of great pleasure, and that it’s important to pay attention to what we eat because it directly affects the quality of our lives.

Emma, Room is one of my favorite books ever. I found it so powerful and moving, and such a gorgeous testament to motherhood without being sappy or sentimental. I know the idea for the book was based on an actual event. Can you talk a little about that and how it inspired you to write Room?

It was hearing about the discovery of Elizabeth Fritzl and her children in their Austrian dungeon (in April 2008) that inspired Room — but all I took from that case was the basic notion of growing up in a locked room.  I think the real reason I wrote the novel was that my kids were four and one at the time, so my mind was already full of all the grandly existential questions of parenthood: Am I still an individual if I’m totally responsible for another human being now? How much could I bear? How much would I sacrifice for them?

I love the scene in which a reporter says to Ma, “You must feel an almost pathological need – understandably – to stand guard between your son and the world,” to which she replies, “’Yeah, it’s called being a mother.’ Ma nearly snarls it.” There are so many great lines that reveal the unbreakable bond between mother and child, as well as the overwhelming responsibility of being a mother. Another example is Jack saying, “Ma’s not meant to ask me things, she’s meant to know,” or admitting, “In Room I was safe and Outside is the scary.” Your book beautifully depicts the fact that a child’s world literally – and happily – revolves around his or her mother. As a mom yourself, how does that make you feel? What message would you like readers to take away from the book?

I don’t have a message; a novel would be a very long and unreliable way to deliver a message to the world, because, for one thing, everyone reads a story differently. But what I did do was emphasize the universal within Ma and Jack’s weird story. On almost every page, their interaction is based on stuff that has come up between me and my kids.  Room is really inspired by the paradox that no matter how close a mother and child are, they are very different, and what the child adores (for instance, having their mother on hand every minute of every day) could be a nightmare for the mother. The joy and the claustrophobia are impossible to unpick from each other.

Ma deserves the “Mother of the Year” Award for the creative ways she entertains and educates Jack! Most of us can barely figure out how to keep our kids busy for an hour or two, and she has to do that 24/7 for many years. How did you come up with ideas for her, and have you used any of them with your own children?

Ah, she’s my inner perfect-mother, my best self, and I don’t manage to be like her for more than five minutes at a go.  Doing art with my kids, in particular, puts me in a total rage; after three minutes they walk off, leaving me with a total mess! No, writing Ma left me very rueful, because it proved that I do know how to parent marvelously – I have all the necessary ideas and principles – I just can’t manage it in practice.  The main difference is that she dedicates herself to motherhood totally, because it saves her from thinking of herself as a sex slave, whereas I want to be mother and lover, friend and writer, loller-about-watching-HBO and many other roles…

Jack is such a perfect narrator. You completed nailed five-year-old speech! How did you manage to get it so realistic?

I studied my son (who was five by the time I was drafting the novel) like an anthropological linguist — then made Jack’s language rather more advanced as he’s been so intensively home-schooled, and added some quirks of his own, such as his personifying objects in Room (Table, Bed, etc).  There is no real child who speaks just like Jack: the narration of a novel is never exactly like real speech, even when your characters are adults, but if you get the characters’ mindset right, readers are generally willing to suspend their disbelief when it comes to the details of wording.

I was shocked to hear about all the flack you got from readers for having Ma continue to breastfeed Jack – what else could she do? It seemed like a perfect solution. Were you surprised by the reaction? How did you feel about the fact that it even became an issue?

I was startled at first and then almost amused: it seemed perfect proof of the notion that our society officially approves of motherlove but is actually nervous about its primal, passionate, physical side.  Yes, it made sense to me on every level that Ma would hold on to a mutually comforting ritual with Jack (quite apart from nutritional/contraceptive qualities) until they’re out in the world; their relationship at that point has to give up its mother-baby elements.

The second half of the book deals with the outside world, making the story even stronger by showing how a parent and child often have different needs. What was your intention in this? Did you ever consider having the whole book take place in Room?

No, I knew from day one that the book would be in two halves, and each half would reflect an interesting light on the other.  To me, stopping at the escape would have made the story much more simplistic and (emotionally) static; the second half is actually more probing in that it shows Ma having to let Jack grow up, as all mothers do.

You talked about having your own son try out the attempted escape plan Ma sets up for Jack. Can you share this story with our readers?

He knew the gist of the story already: Bad Guy locks Woman and Boy in Shed. So he was more than willing to let me roll him up in a rug for research. It was really hard for him to wriggle his way out, so when he finally managed it (and got rewarded, I believe with a pain au chocolat) I had to go back and completely rewrite the scene.

How did you design the actual room in which Room takes place? What were the biggest challenges?

I ‘virtually shopped’ on ikea.com and used a home design website to move all the pieces around. I spent days on obscure sites selling high-tech security mesh and insulation. The biggest challenge was my complete ignorance about construction; I’m still not quite sure what a two-by-four is.

In the acknowledgments, you thank your brother-in-law for his “unnervingly insightful advice on the practicalities of Room.” Can you give us some details on his contributions?

Yes, he not only answered my ignorant question about construction but offered ideas of his own; it was he who suggested that Ma should dig a hole in the floor with a spoon, only to discover that Old Nick has built chain-link fence into all the surfaces of Room.  Then he started going beyond his remit to offer other ideas about the kidnapper; for instance, he pointed out that Old Nick would have to make Ma use cloth diapers because the neighbors would be suspicious if a bachelor was putting out sacks of used Pampers. He was my consultant guy’s guy, basically, and he rather enjoyed tapping into his potential psychopath.

How has writing this book changed the way you personally look at motherhood and your own kids?

It’s just made me more aware of my failures, and more urgently aware that you only have a few years to get it right and give your kids all the love and confidence they need to tackle the world.

As a reader, I was absolutely enamored with your story, which is a beautiful love letter to books. What do you think was the most valuable lesson you learned from your year of reading?

That we live in cycles of joy and sorrow but that joy can prevail if we let it.  Joy can be found in so many places and in so many ways. I found joy in reading, and now I know that there is time, every day, for reading. It is a choice I can make, to walk away from the computer or the dirty dishes or the laundry to be folded, and sit down in a chair and read.  To take a book out of my bag when I am on the train, and leave my phone in my pocket, phone messages and tweets waiting for a little while longer, and read.  There are so many minutes in the day that can be stolen away and enjoyed with a book.  Fifteen minutes of escape, comfort, guidance, and pleasure.  After my fifteen or twenty or even thirty minutes (joy!), I close the book and return to everything else I have to do but I am in a better place to do all that.  We should all make space in our lives for doing the things we really love to do: chores and work can wait for just a little while, and family and friends will appreciate the happier and calmer person who returns to them from the sojourn of pleasure.  For me, that pleasure is found in books.  And I will always make time for my books.

You started your year with Muriel Barbery’s The Elegance of the Hedgehog and ended with Spooner by Pete Dexter. Were those chosen specifically as, well, bookends, and what significance do they hold for you as the first and last selections of a very special project?

The Elegance of the Hedgehog was a gift from my mother and after finishing it on the afternoon of my 46^th birthday, I was certain that my book-a day project would be a great one: the book contained so many insights into sorrow and joy, friendship and sisters, beauty and ugliness.  I carried one line from The Elegance of the Hedgehog with me throughout the year – finding “moments of always within never” – and found so much beauty, not only in my reading but in my life.  To then finish the year with Spooner was serendipitous, a chance choice that turned out to also be about coping with life through delineating truth and beauty in a world sometimes woefully caught up in outward appearances and cash and other false promises of happiness. The Elegance of the Hedgehog was both a wonderful introduction to the year, and a promise of all I would find if I just kept my eyes and mind and heart open; Spooner was a perfect conclusion to the year, containing so many themes I’d discovered in books, love and death and loss and sex and family and joy, and it served as a reminder to keep all I had learned through my year of reading present in my life as I moved forward.

I think your book proves the healing power of reading – in fact, it will probably become a resource for many other people who are hurting in some way because it shows that, no matter how you’re feeling, there are books about other people feeling the same way. Maybe doctors should start giving prescriptions for a year of reading! What kind of response have you gotten from readers so far?

I love your idea of prescribing books!  And so many people I know – and met during my year of reading and now in my weeks of book reading and talks – would agree with you.  I have heard from people from all over the world, all ages and backgrounds, who turned to books when faced with an overwhelming sorrow or depression or anxiety, and books helped them find their way again.  Not self-help books, per se, but novels and biographies and memoirs that allowed these readers to understand that we are not alone, that even though we are unique in our experiences, our emotions are universal.  And of course, we readers find escape in reading, but as I quote Cyril Connolly in my book, not escape from life, but into life.  I have also heard from people who had stopped reading but after hearing about my year and Tolstoy and the Purple Chair, decided to start making time in their lives to read again – and were discovering joy, all over again! One man wrote to me that he had rarely opened a book in the last ten years but after hearing about my reading year, went to the library and took out an armload of books. “I’ve read fifty books in the past year and I will never let books out of my life again,” he wrote to me.  Joy found in the pages of a book!

What were your sons’ reactions to your project? Have they become more avid readers?

My sons took it in stride – we are all readers, and so this reading project made absolute sense to them.  If I had announced I was going to train for a marathon or build a new wing onto the garage, they would have been shocked, but dropping down into a chair to read?  They understood that!  Reading was my idea of a perfect pastime and my kids admired me (a little bit) for making a passion into a commitment.  At the dinner table, they asked what I’d been reading and after dinner, they often joined me on the couch to read. For me, instilling a love of reading in my children has always been more important than pushing them to read certain books or try for more difficult genres or reading levels.  By reading a book a day for a year and finding so much joy and guidance and escape in all the different books that I read and then sharing all I found with my children, I not only involved my kids in the project but demonstrated to them the power of reading in their own lives.

I know this is an impossible question but, of all 365 books you read, which one really stood out as a favorite?

During my year of reading I kept a list on my website of “Great Books” that really moved me or inspired me or entertained me. After reading 365 books, my list of Great Books numbered over ninety.  I cannot pick out one book that stood out as a favorite, because so many books were different in how I loved them: I loved Colin Channer’s Waiting in Vain for its portrayal of Jamaica; I loved The Curriculum Vitae of Aurora Ortiz by Almudena Solana for its wise and wondering heroine; I loved Donna Leon’s Wilful Misbeviour because I love Venice; I loved Colm Toibin’s Brooklyn for its quiet truths about love and choices. I loved every single book I talk about in Tolstoy and the Purple Chair for what I found in each of them. But there are seventy more books I loved – and well over one hundred books I’ve loved since finishing my year of reading – and I cannot name them all here. They can be found, however, in the category of “Great Books” on my website. What defines a great book for me is one in which the writer presents freely, honestly, and bravely a story about a specific event or person or landscape and makes me care, so much, about that story; a great book is when I can feel the author’s desire to connect through words my life with the lives in the book; a great book is one I cannot stop thinking about after finishing the last page. A great book is one I want to share with everyone I know: “Read this!”

I have a sister who is as close to me as Anne-Marie was to you, and we share books constantly, too, so I cried along with you in many sections of your story. One chapter that did make me laugh, though, was when you talked about losing a friend after she lent you The Bridges of Madison County and you basically told her how silly it was! I would have done the same! I love your quote, “The giving of books between sisters offers much less risk of exposure or rejection than between friends.” There have been plenty of books my sister and I disagree on, but I’m still shocked every time we do! Of the books you read that year, which one do you wish you could have shared with Anne-Marie?

That is a good question and one that makes me sad.  Still today, when I finish a great book, I will think “Anne-Marie would love this” and for one second I even think of calling her but then I remember that I cannot.  Anne-Marie would have loved all the mysteries I read – she and I were both fans of those mysteries that are less about blood, gore, and chills, and more about places and characters and motivations – as well as the number of new authors I discovered through wonderful translations.  But the book I would most definitely have shared with her is The Laws of Evening by Mary Yukari Waters.  Anne-Marie read short stories as I do, voraciously but in fits and spurts, sometimes going months without reading a short story and then working her way through volumes of them.  Waters’ stories are exquisite, both as narratives of a compelling event – she tells a good tale — and in the writing itself, each sentence clear and lovely.

How much are you reading these days? And what are you reading right now?

I am reading every day, of course!  But now I read one or two books a week.  I just finished Phil Rickman’s The Bones of Avalon, a mystery set in Elizabethan England, and now I will start on Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks, set in a plague-ridden village in England in 1666, or The Weight of Heaven by Thrity Umrigar (a favorite author of mine), with Toby Wilkinson’s huge The Rise and Fall of Ancient Egypt waiting in the wings.

This may be a silly question but as a book lover since childhood, I still can’t imagine reading on a Kindle or an iPad. There is something about the texture, the smell, the turning of pages of real books that, to me, electronics can’t replicate. What are your feelings about e-readers and do you think your experience would have been different if you had spent your year on one?

I did not use an e-reader during my year of reading but I do have one now.  I find it most useful for reading on my exercise bike.  During my year of reading a book a day, I quickly realized that if I did not fit exercise into my reading schedule, I would start to waddle.  And so I began to read for a half hour every day on my old but functioning exercise bike.  At times it was hard to keep the pages in place while biking, but with an e-reader, I merely push a button and the next page appears. I know people who swear by their e-readers and I love the fact that so many people are rediscovering the joy of reading through them.  I prefer a book with pages and smells and substance – if I need to find a sentence I liked earlier, I can visualize where it is, towards the beginning of the book, half-way down the page, and I cannot do that with an e-reader.  With a book, I can scribble in the margin, turn the page down, mark the book for myself, and keep it with me, always.  Somehow having a fully-loaded e-reader on my bookshelf commemorating my year of reading just would not be the same as what I have now: jam-packed shelves of marked and loved books.  But my e-reader is packed also, with all sorts of books waiting for me to read them. I just have to jump on my bike and get started.