But what about giving the giving of thanks a slightly different twist? Rather than consider that for which I am thankful, maybe I should reflect on my own life, and whether it is a cause for someone else’s giving of thanks. 

The truth is that each one of us has our fingerprints on the lives of every person we encounter.  The question is, “Are we touching those lives with intention or not?” Do we give others reason to be thankful?  Probably, for most of us, the answer is sometimes yes — and sometimes no. 

While practice may not make perfect, it undoubtedly will make better. Like any other practice, we hone our skills by doing. Lucky for us, we are surrounded by opportunities to perfect our ability to be a reason for another human being to give thanks. In our homes, places of work, unemployment offices, gas stations, grocery stores, health clubs, doctor’s offices, planes, trains, cars, restaurants, check-out lines, street corners, cyberspace, telephone lines — even airport security lines. You name it … it is a place to perfect our craft.  

If you are like me, sometimes you will get it right, sometimes not so much, and sometimes I will get it dead wrong.  Thankfully, there will be other chances to practice right around the corner.  And, for that, I am thankful.

Reflecting on the theme of Choices, I have been struggling to write something catchy and thought-provoking. Nothing seems to be bubbling up to the surface. The harder I work at it, the less I can find to say. Then it dawned on me. Maybe I am making this too complicated.  

So how about this?

We are the accumulation of our choices.  

The questions to ask ourselves are: Am I accumulating what I want? What matters?  What is important? What is reflective of who I am and what I value?

 The choice is, always has been, and always will be mine. 

 Choice. What a miraculous, powerful and amazing gift. 

I know I am starting to sound like my grandparents when I say, “Back when I was a kid …”  Well, no, I didn’t have to walk through freezing rain and snow to get to school, nor did I have to work in the fields until dark every day. But I did know the people in my neighborhood and they knew me. Our neck of the woods felt like a community of friends. I vividly remember spending hours with the couple next door. They had two Siamese cats, Sascha and Pascha, who would disappear the minute I came to the door. What I remember most was that they seemed to have an abundance of time and interest for and in me. Mrs. Pache made the best hamburger I have had to this day. Mr. Pache, a college art professor, let me sit in his studio as he worked on his latest painting. I would curl up with a good book and watch him paint, ask him endless questions and just plain hang out. I hate to say it, but I miss the “good old days” — the days when neighbors gathered for a block party and kids made their way from one kitchen to another, playing together for hours on end. I miss that familiarity and sense of belonging. 

The world has changed drastically since those days of trick or treating in my friendly little neighborhood. We are working more and playing less. Texting instead of talking.  Commuting instead of communing.  As we move toward the future, with the help of all of the incredible technology at our fingertips, let’s be mindful to carry forward what has served us so well in the past. Maybe the trick is in treating ourselves to a little more in-person talking — and just a little less tweeting.

Breast cancer is scary. Depending on which source you look at, breast cancer is the first or second most common form of cancer, and the second leading cause of death among women. But fear won’t help in the fight against breast cancer – or any other fight for that matter. Fear is a paralyzing force that can keep us in the dark and blindly unaware. There are women who are so afraid. that they won’t go get their annual mammograms, much less do a regular monthly self-exam. Yet time and again we have head that early detection can be the difference between life and death.  

I once heard a story about baby panda bears. A group of scientists wanted to study pandas in order to protect the species. Part of their research included gathering data about the babies. Now, every good scientist – and mother – knows not to get between a mama bear and her cub, so the scientists waited until she left the baby to go in search of food. Once the baby was alone, the scientists carefully approached the youngster.  According to the story, the babies responded by covering their eyes with their little paws. They hid their eyes so as not to see the scientists — who were only there to help them. When it comes to breast cancer, there are scientists who are diligently working on our behalf. We can’t close our eyes. 

Awareness and information are the weapons necessary to win the fight against breast cancer. That awareness happens one woman, one self-exam, one mammogram at a time. To be aware means to face the truth head-on. With our eyes wide open.

For most of us, our school days, all the way up through graduate school, are some of our most powerful memories. But once we leave that behind… then what? What about our “continuing education?” 

One of my drop dead favorite authors is Anne Lamott (If you haven’t checked her out, please, oh please, do. Traveling Mercies, Bird By Bird are just two of my favorites.  She says that we are all here in what she refers to as “Earth School.” How great is that?!  Earth School. We are all enrolled and it is public education at its finest. It isn’t dependent upon federal funding, test scores, grading curves or political agendas. No debate about the value or not of home schooling or charter schools. From the second we appear on this earthly scene, we are on campus and school is in session.

The beauty of Earth School is that we each have our own lesson plan. The syllabus is drawn from each and every experience that comes our way. Our learning and our education is built one moment, one choice, one experience at a time.  

So, just what are we meant to learn in our very own institution of higher learning? Just that — higher learning. And while we are heading up, let’s head in every direction — deeper learning, broader learning, wider learning.  Our core curriculum encompasses coming to understand who we are, what we believe and what gifts and talents we can bring to our fellow students and global campus. Our electives include exposing ourselves to the creative, spiritual, and physical classrooms available to us. To truly have a well rounded education we might all consider traveling “abroad.”  Which doesn’t have to mean that we fly to a distant country, although it might.  Rather, it means that we take a risk, and venture out of that which is comfortable and familiar.  It means that we are willing to listen to ideas that are quite contrary to our own with an open mind. 

Not a day goes by that we don’t have the opportunity to sit in the front row of our own class and soak up the lessons. Learning is about choosing to live with a sense of curiosity and inquisitiveness, while at the same time engaging our critical thinking and analytical skills.

Every day we have the choice to show up, ready and eager to learn, grow, expand and contribute, or, we can skip class, cheat on the test or call in sick. The school bus is on the corner. Are you going to make it on time?

Join Molly, Kristine and a host of award-winning authors and experts (including the amazing Amy Ferris, whose must-read “Marrying George Clooney” just celebrated its first anniversary) at the first annual Women’s Retreat from October 24 – 27 at the Pocono Environmental Education Center, Dingman’s Ferry, PA. For more information about  “Women Living Fully … Investing in Ourselves,” visit their website.

Eat (Inward)

Eating is something we do for ourselves. No one can do it for us, and it is the call to take care of our inward dimension.

At first blush, the word “eat” makes most of us think of food, a meal, something we put into our mouths and chew. Even when we are talking about food, to eat means something much more. To eat is to nourish ourselves. It is to nosh on that which fills up our hearts, and dine on the delights that give us life. Our bodies need nutritious foods. Our brains must devour new information and chew on stimulating ideas. Our hearts are hungry for love and connection. Our souls are thirsty for meaning. As women, we tend to feed– in every sense of the word – others first, more often and, sometimes, at our own expense, until one day we find that we are starving. And we have no idea what we are hungry for. We have lost our appetite and don’t know where to find it.

When we remember to eat, to fill up with all that we need to be whole, we are better. Better moms, better wives and partners, better lovers, better friends, better professionals, and, ultimately, better selves.

Pray (Upward)

While prayer is often connected to religion, one doesn’t have to be religious or spiritual to pray.

To pray means to offer up, ask for help, give thanks. Prayer suggests that we know we are part of something bigger than ourselves and, as such, have a role to play in the world around us. When we offer up words of gratitude, the world becomes a more gracious and gentle place. As we ask for help, light is shed on our path. In seeking to understand our own purpose, we are able to find a way to touch the world that is within our grasp.  By offering up our gifts and talents to the world, we affect people’s lives and miracles occur.

Love (Outward)

When it comes to life — when we boil it all down – what matters more than anything, the bedrock of all bedrocks  is love.

To love is to care deeply for.  Perhaps the best question we can ask at any time, in any situation is “What would love do?”  Whether we are considering a person or the planet, our money or our time, a conflict or a crisis, a stranger or a beloved friend, we can’t go wrong with love. Which doesn’t mean that love is always warm and soft.  Sometimes love is hard and cold, like when we have to tell a painful truth or stand up to a bully. There are times when real love directs away from rather than closer to. But no matter what love calls us to do, if we choose love, everybody wins.

So, when it seems that life is too complicated, remember that all you really have to do is … Eat. Pray. Love.

The truth is, men and women are different. That is good news. Let’s begin with basic anatomy. Start at the waist and go any direction you want. The terrain looks mighty different. And so it should if we want to avoid extinction. Our brains are wired differently. Emotionally, we tend to respond and conduct ourselves in vastly different ways. Thank the gods and goddesses. Those differences have kept us alive and evolving for hundreds of thousands of years!

If we focus on the ways in which we are dissimilar, and wish that “they” were different, we miss a much deeper point.  That point is that we have so much more in common than those things that work to keep us apart. We are all connected by common threads regardless of which side of our shirt the buttons are sewn or whether we pee standing up or sitting down. Regardless of gender, we seek to connect to others in meaningful ways. We look to live in relationships with others whom we love and trust.  No matter what, we want to be seen, known and loved for who we are, not who others expect us to be.  We strive to find meaningful work and a way to use our gifts and talents, thus making a difference in the world that only we can make. We feel happy and sad, loved and rejected, courageous and terrified, encouraged and despondent. That doesn’t make us men or women…. it makes us human beings.

Years ago, Kristine and I took part in a creativity workshop. The final exercise was fantastic! We were all given a large blank poster, glue, scissors and mountains of magazines to pour through. Our assignment was to create a visual picture of our Perfect Day. There were no limitations. Money, time, energy, distance — none of those mattered. We were simply to craft a day of perfection. The only rule was that we could not talk to one another or look at each other’s creations. For the next two hours we were all silently immersed in our own imaginations.

Finally, we all gathered together, and took a “trip” around the room, learning about one another’s ideas of the best day ever. It was fascinating. The days, while colored in with different details, went like some version of this: “I’d start my day in Paris. Sitting on a balcony, wrapped in a thick, white robe I would sip espresso and nibble on fresh, warm croissants from the bakery below. After a tour of the Louvre, a private jet would transport me to Italy where I would spend a few hours in Pompeii and lunch in Tuscany with plenty of good red wine. The day would continue with a late afternoon safari in Tanzania, followed by dinner on the veranda overlooking the Serengeti. A dark, handsome masseuse would massage me to sleep to the sounds of the African night.”

Every woman had a different vision. And, every one of those images took them somewhere… away.  Except for me and Kristine.  We never left home. That might be part of the reason we were drawn to one another as friends all those years ago. While different in detail, each of us envisioned a day which allowed us to be home. Our days had time to move slowly, connect with those we loved, and included healthy doses of time to ourselves. The day began and ended right where we were.

Now, no day was better than the other, and I am emphatically not saying that travel isn’t a marvelous experience. It is!  We live on a magnificent planet, inhabited by miraculous human beings.  Adventure and exploration are part of this thing called life.  Every time we take a trip, we have the opportunity to meet new people, consider new ideas, learn to be flexible and brave. We all need to see beyond our own version of the world, challenge our beliefs and perspectives. We must learn to find the common threads that connect us as human beings in the midst of our differences. Travel is a terrific way to do that.

Home — the place we create for ourselves — can allow us a different kind of travel. It can offer travel inward, into our thoughts and emotions, our spirits and our creativity. There are so many demands to leave the house. Work, errands, committees, dates, volunteering, not to mention vacations, holiday trips and family reunions.  All of these can become distractions that take us away not only from our homes, but from ourselves.    The greatest adventure of all is the journey of self-discovery. Not so that we can become self-absorbed, but rather self-aware. That awareness isn’t “out there.” Our trip of a lifetime might just be right here.

We are ready to declare, “Enough already!”  Rather than make ourselves over, it is time to make over the notion that we should be anything other than ourselves.  The truth is that we are all flawed. And the truth is that we are all perfect.  Perfectly imperfect human beings, every one of us.

Imagine what might happen if we quit trying to measure up.  No one is forcing us to buy into this idea, but it is a seductive call, and one that is hard to resist.  Someone has to break the cycle and, as the visionary women behind StyleSubstanceSoul believe, women have the power to change the world.  We couldn’t agree more, and we believe that this is an idea that needs changing. Not only for ourselves, but for those who follow after us. The young women following in our footsteps – daughters, sisters, employees or the young women serving up our lattes – are watching. The only way we can begin to break the cycle of comparison is to stop comparing.  And get on with the sacred calling to know, understand and love ourselves.  When we do that, when we show up for life as our own unique and irreplaceable selves, we each add to the world something no one else can.

By being ourselves we might just make over something greater: How about the world!

P.S.  What matters to you?