For years, women have been told what they need to do to prevent rape, to stop street harassment, to rise up against sexual harassment.  We have been instructed what to wear, what not to wear, what attitudes to have, what attitudes not to have, what to say, what not to say, how to protect ourselves and what the right self-defense moves are. We been instructed in all sorts of precautionary measures.

While I’m all in favor of both men and women taking reasonable crime prevention measures, it has always seemed a bit like preaching to the choir to tell women how to stop rape.  Women are, obviously, a group highly motivated to want to prevent rape.

So, I was thrilled when, at long last, a campaign aimed at men was recently unveiled by Men Can Stop Rape, a national organization that works to mobilize men and boys to prevent violence against women.  The ad campaign, “Where Do You Stand?” is aimed at college-age men and urges them to speak up and prevent sexual violence in campus settings. The campaign does a great job balancing responsibility and concern with respect.  The ads do not urge men to rescue women or to come to the aid of damsels in distress; rather, they urge men to step up, to call out other men about threatening behavior and to not blithely take part in a culture of “getting some” at any cost. This is particularly important in light of a recent survey conducted by Liz Claiborne which shows that nearly half of all dating college women report having experienced violent or abusive dating behaviors.

The ads feature couples in social situations – a terrific reminder that most rapes occur in this environment, not in the proverbial “stranger in a dark alley” setting.   The ads are multi-cultural and bilingual and inclusive of same-sex relationships, offering an important reminder that men can also be victims of sexual violence.

Congratulations to Men Can Stop Rape for working hard – and effectively – to make anti-rape culture the new culture and for helping to empower the many men who are eager to play a part in putting an end to sexual violence.

Embarrassing:

It’s time to break up with Go Daddy. The huge Internet domain registrar and web hosting company offers, arguably, the most blatantly sexist advertising of any major company that is not selling porn — and that includes Hooters.  (If you know of a more sexist ad campaign, please let me know.)  The ads seem to appeal to the lowest common denominator and are positively base.  The company uses scantily clad women as the cornerstone of its advertising — women who make the women on the old-fashioned motor oil calendars seem positively Amish by comparison.

In the aggressive emails they send to subscribers, former subscribers and potential subscribers, they use women in halter tops and short shorts (at most) to hold signs foisting the company’s promotional offers.   And, sometimes, the women are just there.  They don’t even hold a sign!  They just look hot and luscious and wanton.  That’s a good enough reason to use a company, now, isn’t it?  UGH.

The company has become somewhat notorious for its Super Bowl ads, producing ads that are bound to be banned and then capitalizing on the banned ads.  This year, “Go Daddy is doing its usual porny, corny, stupid kind of thing,” says Barbara Lippert, former Adweek ad critic and now curator of popular culture at ad agency Goodby, Silverstein & Partners. Go Daddy has released part of an ad called “Body Paint,” in which Danica Patrick and Jillian Michaels are painting the naked body of model Natalia Velez. The spot drives viewers to the company’s website, where they’ll see more flesh.   Instead of taking the bait, a better site to visit might be this one: http://breakupwithgodaddy.com/ a website organized to draw attention to the sexism of Go Daddy.

Go Daddy isn’t cheaper or better than its competitors, so there is absolutely no reason to support their sexist advertising. Host Gator, Blue Host, Hub, Fat Cow are all excellent alternatives well-ranked by consumer groups – and none of them feature half-dressed women looking vacant in any of their ads that I have seen. In fact, there’s a sweet-looking cow over there at Fat Cow.

Just say “no” to Go Daddy, and go somewhere else instead.

Anna’s fiction, essays and reviews have appeared in Salon and other publications. She writes the “Aural Fixations” playlist column at The Rumpus. Her novel, The Diary of Suzanne Frank, is forthcoming.  She’d love to hear your suggestions, so feel free to reach out to her on Facebook. And, if you missed her Empowering/Embarrassing column last month, click here to read it!

As a frequent traveler, Monetta Plassmeyer wanted one simple cosmetic case that would hold all her individual eye shadows, blushers and pencils. Because the only ones she could find required magnets or double-sided tape, she decided to create her own. The result is the must-have Stick With It, which holds a ton of make-up and is literally a snap to use.

We’re giving away two of these beauties. All you have to do to enter is fill out the form below. You may enter once a day until the contest ends on February 12 at midnight Pacific time. Winners will be notified by return email.

You’re welcome!

Use these tips from Dee to decide which earphones are right for you, then take advantage of a special 20% discount:

If you have an iPhone, go for the hf3 or mc3. For other phones, check out the hf2 or mc2. The hf series is the best deal and best fit for an adult.

The er4 series provides the best of the best in high-end audio but they are only earphones and don’t have the headset capability.

For kids, look at the etykids 5 (earphones only) or the etykid3 (earphones + headset).

In the Land of Blood and Honey has been nominated for a Golden Globe® for Best Foreign Language Film. Set against the backdrop of the Bosnian War that tore the Balkan region apart in the 1990s, the film tells the story of Danijel (Goran Kostić) and Ajla (Zana Marjanović), two Bosnians from different sides of a brutal ethnic conflict. Danijel, a Bosnian Serb police officer, and Ajla, a Bosnian Muslim artist, are together before the war, but their relationship is changed as violence engulfs the country. Months later, Danijel is serving under his father, General Nebojsa Vukojevich (Rade Šerbedžija), as an officer in the Bosnian Serb Army. He and Ajla come face to face again when she is taken from the apartment she shares with her sister, Lejla (Vanesa Glodjo), and Lejla’s infant child by troops under Danijel’s command. As the conflict takes hold of their lives, their relationship changes, their motives and connection to one another become ambiguous and their allegiances grow uncertain. In the Land of Blood and Honey portrays the incredible emotional, moral and physical toll that the war takes on individuals as well as the consequences that stem from the lack of political will to intervene in a society stricken with conflict.

Please join us later today for what promises to be a fascinating and insightful discussion!

In the Land of Blood and Honey is currently playing in New York City, Chicago, Philadelphia, Boston, San Francisco and Seattle. It opens on Friday in Washington DC, Dallas, Palm Springs, Amherst, MA, Berkeley, Charlotte, Denver, Monterey, Phoenix, Mountain View, CA, San Jose and Sausalito.

This finely-layered novel is told from the perspective of the bright, 16-year-old Sarah Kunitz. Through her eyes, we are offered an intimate look at her upper middle class family in 1970 suburban Boston. It’s an enviable portrait from the outside, but behind closed doors it is a darkly different story. Sarah’s mother is taking pills and floundering.  Sarah and her brothers must find ways to escape their parents’ bitter disagreements and their father’s difficult personality. Those harsh realities are soon replaced with confusion, grief and anger when their mother dies in a car crash. A certain drifting sadness looms while their father begins an affair with a young woman and Sarah embarks on her own romances.  Consequences abound, but Keener weaves the threads into a taut ending.

The novel carries with it the full implications of its title. What is a night swim?  It’s moving into dark waters with little illumination to guide us, trusting – without certain reason to –that we will be able to navigate the muck, the humming currents, the chilly viscosity, and emerge intact. When we close the book, we know that Sarah is not going to merely survive; she is going to thrive. This is a deep exploration of the Kunitz family, and our own humanity, that will resonate long after you have finished reading.

Keener is a big talent with a particular knack for detail and a finely tuned ear. Through the skilled rendering she offers of this family and the characters who surround them, she gives us a story that makes us cringe and lurch, laugh and, literally, weep. Her writing is never obvious, yet her lyrical prose will wow you. Even when describing the seemingly ordinary, Keener injects poetry. Sentences like these kiss every page of the novel:

“By now it was pitch-black outside and the large globe light above the table reflected off the windows like a bloated fish.”

“Her flower heads had turned brown, her petals wrinkled as old peoples’ faces”

Not every writer has the ability to move readers the way Keener does. Her writing is richly textured and she strikes perfect pitch with Sarah. We are swept into the world of a teenager on every page, including plenty of squirmy and self-conscious moments.  It is a high-wire act to give authentic voice to a teenager of a different era, but Kenner never stumbles. She is particularly adept at handling Sarah’s sex life in a realistic manner, capturing so much of the awkwardness inherent in teen sexuality, including birth control and Planned Parenthood.  Sarah comes alive as a realistic navigator and takes us along on a rich exploration of family life and coming into one’s own.  Sarah’s moment in time echoes the nation’s 1970 zeitgeist – pent up, poised for and on the verge of great change. Keener does a brilliant job lacing bits of music and other cultural signposts of the times – Woodstock, the lyrics to “If I Had A Hammer” — into the narrative, keeping us firmly rooted in the era without bombarding us with it.

There is much feeling in this novel, yet the writing never becomes precious or sentimental. It aches with suffering and shimmers with strength. Sarah’s explorations allow readers to examine their own relationship with truth, sorrow, loss, longing and joy.  Sarah gives us a careful look at something we all tend to do – rush past pain – and teaches us to keep hold of our true selves no matter how we might veer.

Readers will be glad they dove into Night Swim.

Anna March writes our monthly Empowering/Embarrassing column as well as the weekly Aural Fixations column at The Rumpus. She has been nominated for a 2012 Pushcart Prize, and her work has appeared in Salon, Connotation Press and other publications. Her novel, The Diary of Suzanne Frank, is forthcoming. You can keep up with her on Facebook.

January traditionally means resolutions although mine don’t normally kick in until about March after all the birthday celebrations – for my husband, my mom, my sister and me. For most normal people, though, the beginning of the year is a good time to make a list of what you want to accomplish.

We found some great resources that just may help you reach your goals – and inspire you to strive for a few more.

* Resolution: Write every day

We know a lot of you like to write – personally, I often like “having written” more than actually “writing” – which means you sometimes need a push to sit down and get the words out. The Writer’s Toolbox by Jamie Cat Callan gives you everything you need to jump-start your own story. Filled with innovative games and exercises that really work, it’s got the ideal equipment to unclog your creative faucet.

* Resolution: Learn to knit 

I love hand-knit sweaters – just not the ones that are hand-knit by me. Sure, imperfections can add charm and character to homemade items but that doesn’t mean you want to wear them! Designer Carri Hammett has created Knitting 101 for the absolute beginner, and it comes with both a fully-illustrated book and a DVD that provide step-by-step tutorials so you can see exactly how to purl or cast on. This set makes knitting the relaxing hobby it’s supposed to be.

* Resolution: Take care of your feet 

So many of us put fashion before comfort, especially when it comes to shoes – so it’s no wonder that our feet hurt. Every Woman’s Guide to Foot Pain Relief may not be glamorous but it will get you back on your feet again – minus the bunions, poor posture and aching body parts that start at your soles. Biomechanist Katy Bowman, MS, offers easy exercises and shoe suggestions that may literally change your life. Step into the new year pain-free!

* Resolution: Only indulge in the good stuff 

Life is too short to skip dessert, but don’t waste your calories on sub-par sweets. Choclatique by Ed Engoron with Mary Goodbody includes 150 recipes for gorgeous-looking, scrumptious-tasting treats using simple techniques that will make you feel like a professional. Chocolate is the most common craving in North America – duh! – and the book cover alone is likely to have your mouth watering.

* Resolution: Protect your skin

I recently received a sample of Skin Protect by Natura and I have to admit my skin has never looked better. This state-of-the-art therapeutic cream is designed to restore collagen, improve firmness and elasticity and rejuvenate sun-damaged and aging skin. It’s got a very impressive pedigree in botanical and nutritional medicine but what matters most to me is that, after using it religiously every night for the past few weeks, my skin is definitely smoother and softer. This will be a very easy resolution to keep!

* Resolution: Read a little every day

The Tiny Book of Tiny Stories goes one better by letting you read a tiny every day – and still feel like you’ve done something productive! This first volume in the three-book series by Joseph Gordon-Levitt (yes, that cutie-pie Joseph Gordon-Levitt from our beloved (500) Days of Summer and 50/50) and his popular open collaborative production company, hitRECord, features 60 selections from more than 8,500 contributions. One of our favorites: “It’s HE-RO,” the boy argued. “No,” the girl insisted, “it’s HER-O.” Proof that good things do indeed come in small packages.

* Resolution: Give in and buy the Blu-ray player

I’m a movie reviewer and I JUST did this so, trust me, I feel your pain! I kept hoping Blu-ray would be the visual equivalent of 8-Track but, alas, it looks like it’s here to stay. Here’s the thing, though. A Blu-ray player can still play all your DVDs so there’s no need to replace your entire library. And, honestly, movies look so much better on Blu-ray. Plus, classics like Dead Poets Society and Good Morning Vietnam keep joining the Blu-ray parade. With after-holiday discounts, now is the time to give in.

* Resolution: Accept that you can’t do it all

I Don’t Know How She Does It, based on Allison Pearson’s best-selling book, is out on DVD and Blu-ray, and it will exhaust you! We can all relate to Sarah Jessica Parker as she tries to be a good mother, loving wife and successful executive, and discovers her life is no longer the glamorous Sex and the City. Take a lesson from her character: Make this the year to just say no, focus only on the things that are most important and simply do the best you can.

Click here to enter our giveaway to win one of these resolution kick-starters. For an extra chance to win, simply leave a comment below.

Read about them here, then fill out the form below for a chance to win one. You may enter once a day until the contest ends on January 22 at midnight Pacific time. Winners will be notified by return email. For an extra chance to win, simply leave a comment on the post. 

We won’t be posting again until early January but hope you’ll take some time to look back on what we’re calling our Best of 2011. Personally, we love everything we write about so we think it’s all the best, but we went through all of this year’s posts and made a list of the ones that really resonated with readers — we know which ones are being clicked on the most and, surprisingly, those don’t necessarily have any correlation with the ones that get the most comments. (Speaking of comments, if you want to know what we really want for the holidays, read this great piece!)

So, in case you missed any of these or forgot to share them with your sister/friend/mom/daughter or just want to read them again (thank you!), here are some of our top posts of the year:

* My Handbag, Myself

* Join Susan in Helping With the Somalia Crisis 

* Talking About Polygamy with Lola Shoneyin, Author of The Secret Lives of the Four Wives

* Please Stop Dissing The Help! and Why My Husband Won’t Be Seeing The Help

* My Reading List (And My Anthropologie Blanket and a Few Other Things)

* The Truth About College — and Life

* Author Caroline Leavitt Interviews Lois

* Why Sexist T-Shirts Aren’t Cute

* Jane Goodall: Lessons Learned From Jane’s Journey

* The Budget Fashionista is Featuring Our Post on Shopping With a Conscience

* What Really Happened To Your Loved Ones on 9/11

* Judy Collins vs Katy Perry: The Times They Are A-Changin’

* Four Writers and a Whole Lot of Readers: My Week at the Jewish Book Fair

* No More Wake-Up Calls While I’m Driving, Please 

* Pop Your Cork But Don’t Throw It Away 

* Our Holiday Gift Guide on Huffington Post 

Thanks so much for reading and for being the best community in the cyberworld. We truly love and appreciate every email, comment, Facebook message and suggestion. Keep them coming! And please continue to get involved. Together, we know we can make a difference. We already have.

We wish all of you the happiest holidays, and a happy and healthy new year. Let’s make 2012 the best year ever! And let’s be sure to keep clicking a day for charity! xo

As you know, I love books and I love paper and I love scrapbooks. These two titles incorporate all of those in some way, and you should seriously consider buying copies for yourself as well as those who feel the same way.

Curling up with The Scrapbook of Frankie Pratt: A Novel in Pictures is like going back in time with someone who would probably have been your friend if you lived in the same era. Author Caroline Preston has created a story that would have kept readers turning pages even without the visuals, but those eye-popping visuals – postcards, ticket stubs, letters, catalog pages – literally add such texture and richness that they’ll take your breath away.

Through her own collection of vintage ephemera and memorabilia, Preston has pieced together the tale of young Frankie Pratt, who receives a scrapbook and typewriter for her high school graduation in 1920. She uses the stuff of everyday living – candy wrappers, menus, fabric swatches – to bring to life Frankie’s coming of age. We join her at Vassar, take part in the bohemian culture of the flapper era, travel with her to Paris and experience her dreams, heartbreaks and triumphs. This is a truly original treasure that you will swear you found hidden away in your attic. Watch Preston talk about the making of the book here.

Storm of the i: An Artobiography is the scrapbook of a real woman, and it’s a stunner. Tina Collen’s memoir packs a powerful punch, both emotionally and visually, as the author uses both words and art (all gorgeous!) to explore — and try to understand — her father’s refusal to communicate with her.

Each page of this book is full of revelations, and you never know whether you’ll find them by lifting a flap, pulling the contents from an envelope, interacting with a pop-up, unfolding panels or simply reading. Storm of the i is a very personal work of art, and it just may inspire a whole new genre of memoirs.

Okay, I have to write about these two books, too, because, after devouring the beauties I just told you about, you’re likely to feel crafty!

The Repurposed Library: 33 Craft Projects That Give Old Books New Life is the perfect book to give with an e-Reader! I love decorating with books, and this collection by Lisa Occhipinti features so many unique ways to upcycle old ones into vases, clocks, lamps and shelves. There’s even a Kindle Keeper to remind that high-tech e-Reader of its paper roots!

Collage Couture: Techniques for Creating Fashionable Art is filled with “ooh”-inspiring ideas for the little — or big! — girls in your life. Julie Nutting has put together the cutest collection of sophisticated yet funky fashion collages, and she teaches easy techniques for making cards, notebooks, clipboards and framed artwork using simple materials. You don’t even have to go out and buy pretty papers (although you’ll want to!) – you can use newspapers and old magazines to become your own designer!

Be sure to check out the websites for all these books, so you can see some sample pages. They will make you want more!